Rage against the Harry Potter machine

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Haters unite!
I found I wasn’t alone. I spoke to my friend who runs a cranky cult Web site for the culturally disgusted about my personal dilemma as a member of the media hype machine. I should be ashamed of myself for writing it, now that I think about it. She felt my pain. “I’m sick of that [stuff], too, especially if you helped make even a little bit of it happen” she said, “But my real problem is the kids. Not the kids in the movie. Not the actors. The kids in the movie theater. There’s like hella kids in those theaters. I can’t get down with that. I’d have to sedate myself so much I’d fall asleep, which is what happened when I went to see the first one. So I never went back to see the others. The whole thing is like being sold a big Diet Coke that never gets empty.”

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Emma Watson on the new 'Harry Potter' movie
Nov. 15: Emma Watson of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" talks with "Today" show host Katie Couric.
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This is true. Harry Potter is not simply a character in a kid’s book anymore. Harry Potter is a multinational corporation and he’s spying on you in order to market himself to you more effectively. You will have the Diet Coke with his face on the can and you will think about his magic. You’ll feel that magic with every sip and you’ll come back to that Diet Coke for more magical Harry feelings later, kind of like how actual Diet Coke makes you hungry and then thirsty for more Diet Coke. Soon you’re like a really dumb dog chasing its own tail until you pass out.

So it’s time to get off the ride. It’s time to resist the onslaught. I have no choice in the matter. I work for The Man. But you do. You can skip it all. Pretend there is no boy wizard for a while until you really feel the need to read about him or see his movie. That’s what all this fiction is supposed to have helped you do anyway, right? Help you pretend? So it’ll be easy. During your Harry vacation you can go discover other stories on your own without anyone’s help. And if you decide to revisit Pottersville some day when you’re ready again you can check one of the books out of the library and or borrow one of your neighbor’s DVDs and enjoy it a few autumns from now, under a blanket with a cup of cocoa, in silence, alone. It’ll be all magical.

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Dave White has a blog called Dave White Knows at www.livejournal.com/users/djmrswhite.

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