Bah, humbug! Holiday traditions we hate

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It’s not a ‘Wonderful Life’
Thank Clarence for small miracles: "It's a Wonderful Life" used to be on every day from November through Christmas, but mercifully, NBC bought the rights to this movie a few years ago, and the Peacock limits the number of times the film airs. Even now, we're offered the traditional Thanksgiving viewing of this Frank Capra classic as well as at least two more chances to watch George Bailey get his, er, stuff, together before the Fat Man ho-ho-hos on Dec. 25. George has started to get on my last nerve. “Oh poor me, I didn’t get the life I wanted. Boo hoo.” How many people do you know who do get everything they want in life? Yeah, me neither. And what kind of life did George get? A loving family, respect in the community and people who were there to help him in his time in need. I can see why he’s so upset. Clarence should have smacked him upside the head instead of showing him how life would have been without him. —D.H.

‘Black Friday’ indeed
Thanksgiving gives most American workers their only four-day holiday weekend of the year — except people working in retail, so they take it out on the rest of us, running commercials telling us we have to shop at 6 a.m. on the day after Thanksgiving, dubbed Black Friday, to get the lowest price ever on the year's must-have iWidget UberMegaIT. Six a.m. is earlier than most of us get up to go to work, but there are the hypnotized masses, searching for parking spaces within a quarter-mile of the entrance, then standing in the checkout line until the iWidget UberMegaIT is replaced by a new model. And if you're one of us who hasn't finished digesting Thanksgiving dinner, you spend nearly as long standing in line at the restroom. Personally, I'd rather spend the day with Bruce Dern in the Goodyear blimp. —Wendell Wittler

Lions, Tigers and Bears, oh my!
How about Steelers, Patriots and Falcons instead? Since the Detroit Lions and Chicago Bears met on Thanksgiving Day 1934, the Lions have hosted the first football game of the holiday ever since. Pigskin and turkey are a great combination, but the Lions, for the most part, have been an embarrassment for the past 71 years. Isn't it time to change up the rotation a bit? For the interest of those outside Michigan, and the millions of fans who like to see offense-oriented football, let's see the Indianapolis Colts and Peyton Manning, or even his brother Eli and the Giants. Folks in Detroit are slow to change, it seems. GM is still touting SUVs while the rest of the country is going Prius crazy. The second game of the day has traditionally been held at Texas Stadium, where the Dallas Cowboys host every year. Now, this isn't great either but it's infinitely better than watching for the Lions. One bad call and Dallas coach Bill Parcells may blow a gasket and instantly combust on the sidelines. —Stuart Levine

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