Your destination wedding dreams come true

You could use the same word-of-mouth method to let people know you do not expect gifts from guests traveling to Jamaica. On the other hand, this implies that you do expect gifts from those who can't make it. So I think the best things you can do is drop the whole idea of controlling your guests' gift giving.

People like to give presents. And most will figure out that if they can't afford both travel and an extravagant gift, they can give something "from the heart." And remember, if you want to be kind to guests' pocketbooks, you could easily list lots of inexpensive gifts on your registry.

If these ideas don't work for you, consider inserting a separate card with the invitation that says something like, "in lieu of a gift, please bring a favorite passage from a love poem." Or the best advice for a good marriage they ever heard. Or, if you suspect some guests might be particularly burdened by giving a gift, ask them to substitute help with some aspect of the wedding, such as arranging the flowers, managing the guest book, or making a CD of favorite dance tunes.

Q. We invited 140 people to our wedding on the Big Island next summer, thinking maybe half would come. So far, 81 say they'll be there and only 11 say they won't. I'm getting nervous. How many people from a guest list usually say "yes" to an invitation?

For a hometown wedding, most planners predict about 90 percent of invitees will attend. For a wedding away, the ballpark is 75 to 80 percent. Every situation is different, of course. But if I were you, I'd be ready for up to 90 percent since you alerted everyone well in advance and chose a great destination and a convenient time of year for vacations.

Q. I want to have our wedding in Barbados right at sunset, but my fiancée says it's impossible. She thinks we need more light for photos afterwards. How do people get around this?

You're on the right track by thinking ahead. Well beforehand, determine exactly when sunset will start and schedule the ceremony accordingly. If everyone's on the ball, you can easily catch enough shots before the last rays disappear.

Some couples prefer to hold a photo session right before the vows. If you take this route, you can make extra points by requesting a little private time for your first adoring look at your bride.

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