For the fan boys

“Doom” (2005)
This seminal PC game wasn't the first-person-shooter, but it was certainly the “baddest”; combining science fiction, satanic imagery and creative use of rocket launchers and chainsaws.

Throughout two of its three incarnations, “Doom” (1993), “Doom II” (1994) and “Doom III” (2005) the story has remained the same. The player is a space marine sent to Mars to close a portal of Hell. With the help of an ever-increasing array of weapons, conveniently placed ammo packs and ubiquitous exploding garbage cans, the marine makes his way past hell spawn in search of the big kahuna.

With each successive version of “Doom,” the graphics engine grew more sophisticated.  Shadows and dynamic lighting added depth to darkened corridors. And the monsters, once pixilated blobs, took on realistically rendered muscles and a sweaty sheen. By the time of “Doom III,” the graphics were so real that people admitted to playing the game with the lights on — and a pack of Depends by their side.

Given all this, Doom's recipe for cinematic success seemed simple enough. Place the gates of Hell on Mars and populate it with creatures meaner than Naomi Campbell on a Red Bull and vodka bender. Add a couple macho space marines and give them guns. Lots of guns ... including the BFG, the “big f--king gun.” Oh yes, and throw in a chainsaw, because on a treeless planet like Mars, nothing else makes a more direct statement

A roomful of chimps could write this stuff. Alas, those chimps must have been working on another project, say “Deuce Bigalow,” because “Doom” the movie blows.

Skipping any reference for hell, the film plays out a genetic experiment gone wrong on Mars.  Zombies, not demons, are on the loose and the marines, led by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson are sent into battle.

FREE VIDEO The Rock Oct. 19: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson talks with "Today" show host Katie Couric about his role in the new sci-fi action film, "Doom." Today show

Civilians by the hundreds are killed, by the marines no less — call the PC game cynical, but the only things that died in the game were monsters. 

The film further mucks things up with a brother-sister subplot that goes no where. And in one of the dumbest scenes in a genre that's no stranger to dumb, two marines engage in fisticuffs for a 10-minute scene that goes on for an eternity.  

And to top it off, the zombies look like they stepped off the “Thriller” video shoot. 

Gamers almost expect their intelligence to be insulted when seeing a cinematic adaptation of a game. But for the game itself to be insulted? To paraphrase a common gamer curse ... someone needs to get fragged!

Video game moment: Towards the end of the movie the camera takes on a first-person-perspective. It plays less like the game and more like an old carney ride.
Shadowy organization: Union Aerospace Corporation
For the fan boys: One space marine has a hot sister.

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