For the fan boys

“Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within” (2001)
Also known as “Attack of the Doll-Eyed Plastic People,” this CGI-animated film forever equated the popular two decade-old “Final Fantasy” game series with hammy dialogue and a new agey philosophy usually found in the books sold near the Pottery Barn cash register.

To these accusations fans of the actual game must plead guilty. But in defense, “Final Fantasy” is a Japanese role-playing-game and that's how they roll.  

Serious gamers either love “Final Fantasy” for its inspired parallel world-like settings and recurring storylines of fights against oppression or they hate it for the sappiness that drips from every non-interactive cut-scene.

When it came to the actual movie everyone, gamer and non-gamer, hated it. “Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within” lost $120 million worldwide. 

Set in the future where phantom aliens have sent Earthlings packing for bubble cities with all the soul of downtown Salt Lake City at night, a young scientist attempts to save the world by harnessing the “Gaia,” or life force, of the Earth. This sets in motion a struggle between the military who want to just torch the Earth and be done with it and the scientist's Deepak Chopra-spewing peers.

Columbia Creepy doll-eyed Aki Ross from "Final Fantasy," a movie that pleased absolutely no one.

The real reason for “Final Fantasy: The Sprits Within” failure was not the plot, but the CGI-animation. It was revolutionary enough to capture character shading, clothing texture and even hair at a level never scene in a feature length film.  But character faces and eyes failed to evoke emotion. The effect was unsettling ... like watching Jessica Simpson act in “Dukes of Hazzard.”   

Video game moment: A shoot-out in old New York between phantom aliens and the military
Shadowy organization:  A general and his henchmen display a Strangelovian “Jack. D. Ripper” complex.
For the fan boys:  Alas, the female cartoons remain clothed at all times.

“Resident Evil” (2002)
Evil corporations! Viral experiments! Zombies! 

Screen Gems Milla Jovovich gets ready to kick some butt as Alice in "Resident Evil."

Not content to stick with one theme and run with it, “Resident Evil” offered filmgoers a whole smorgasbord of subplots in the hopes that they just abandon all hope of subtlety and enjoy the sights of Milla Jovovich kicking a little undead bootie.

Blame not the filmmakers. For nearly a decade the game series “Resident Evil” has been telling and re-telling the story of how one corporation's dabbling in biological weaponry turned the residents of nearby Raccoon City into zombies. The original “Resident Evil” in 1996 invented the genre called “survival horror,” a style that leans heavily on equal parts zombie films and Guns & Ammo magazine.

The film skips the spooky wooded areas around Raccoon City, scene of many of the game series' action, for the headquarters of the Umbrella Corporation, a slick glass and white-walled institution located hundreds of feet below the city.

Someone has released an experimental virus. Now the corporation employees are working stiffs, literally. They want brains. But Jovovich and Michelle Rodriguez and various nameless dudes that all look the same have something else for the zombies. 

The film is nowhere near as gory as the game. Nor as frightening. Where “Resident Evil” the game uses clichéd (but effective) scenes in dilapidated houses and spooky forests for cheap thrills, the film opts for scenes of hundreds of zombies charging over office furniture. It's “Aliens” meets “Dilbert.”

Favoring action over suspense and Michael Bay over John Carpenter, the film suffers when compared to the gaming series. But the sets sure do look expensive. And Jovovich is almost as much fun to watch as it is to say “Milla Jovovich.”

Video game moment: Jovovich delivers a round-house kick to a zombie Doberman. 
Shadowy organization: The Umbrella Corporation. Imagine Microsoft, General Electric and a dash of al-Qaida.
For the fan boys: Jovovich wears a paper-thin red slip and high motorcycle boots throughout the movie. Oh ... and a shower scene.

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