Ed McMahon says farewell to Johnny Carson

“Or down.”

“Yes, that’s certainly another way to look at it.”

“Ed, you studied philosophy in college and maybe even learned a little. In the grand scheme of things, how important is the age of a chimp?”

“Well, maybe not important to Plato,” I said.

“Right. Plato had hamsters.”

“But you’ll have to admit it’s certainly important to the chimp.”

“Eight, nine … he’s too young to drive anyway.”

“But not for certain theme park rides, if the cutoff is nine and not eight.”

“I have a theme park ride in mind for you, Ed. The half-built roller coaster.”

Since Johnny’s death, every national magazine except Cattleman’s Quarterly has been telling things about him that small children already knew. Well, I’m going to tell you some things that neither small children nor large adults know. Here, with Johnny’s nervous blessing, is my answer to that question that almost drove this second banana bananas: What was Johnny really like? And as I spin these memories, I’ll be hearing him say, “Easy on the bull, Ed, or I’ll find a way to have Carnac let everyone know that the Marine Corps issued you a security blanket.”

On his last show, Johnny read this line from a letter: “Now we’ll see if Ed McMahon really thinks you’re funny.”

A cute line. But for anyone seriously wondering if I was the world’s greatest actor for thirty-four years, these pages contain the resounding answer.

Excerpted from “Here’s Johnny!” by Ed McMahon. Copyright © 2005 by Ed McMahon. Published by Rutledge Hill Press, a Division of Thomas Nelson books. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt can be used without permission of the publisher.

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