When love and fame aren't enough

Recently Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore tied the knot after dating for a couple of years. This was unique because he is 27 and she is 42, and Hollywood loves May-December romances because of their robbing-the-cradle lasciviousness. Lauren Bacall was 19 when she met and later married the 44-year-old Humphrey Bogart, and their union stood the test of time. This one should also, because if you’ve ever spent any time observing Kutcher, you should know by now that he probably doesn’t realize she’s older than him.

Jay-Z and Beyonce, the reigning duo of the soul and hip-hop worlds, have been an item for quite some time. But I give that about another month, maybe less. Their music is powerful, inventive and memorable, and that takes lots of energy and effort. If Nick and Jessica can go their opposite ways when all they ever needed to do was come up with a “Jingle Ball Rock” every now and then, what chance do Jay-Z and Beyonce have?

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner recently wed, and she’s expecting a child. The bet here ordinarily would be against a long and happy life together, given his penchant for flaunting his celebrity coupling, as in his excruciating Bennifer period.

Ben-efit of the doubt
But I’m giving Ben the benefit of the doubt here. I’m hoping that he has learned something after spending months as an ornament to a famous pop star. His new Jennifer doesn’t seem to be obsessed with fame and material wealth like the old one, so maybe some of her old-fashioned values will rub off on Ben. Plus, he will have the responsibilities of fatherhood to help cement his relationship. This baby will be born at a good time, well after “Gigli” and “Elektra” have left the DVD stores’ “new arrivals” sections, and after the kibosh has been put on any chance at another “Nick and Jessica’s Variety Hour” appearing on television.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are sweethearts. They proclaimed their love to the world together, with the assistance of a talk-show sofa and a French monument. It was recently revealed that Katie is expecting a child.

I believe this partnership will last, because Tom is sort of locked in. He really looked like a lovesick dope on “Oprah” and in subsequent interviews. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course. Most of us envy his happiness while we also fret about his mental health.

But now he has to make it work, at least for a while. Otherwise, he’ll look silly. If his fans start to question the sincerity of his love for Katie, they might also begin to doubt other aspects of his life, like his religious beliefs and whether he wears lifts in his shoes. He really has to settle down and make this one work, because if they split, the world’s media will have to endure another gushing press junket for “Mission Impossible: 3” like they did with “War of the Worlds.”

Meanwhile, Nick and Jessica are single and available. Who could have guessed?

Michael Ventre is a frequent contributor to MSNBC.com.

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