Colleges try to contend with hovering parents

Don't call them, they'll call you
But some schools, while glad to see parents care, are expressing concern over the downside. During freshman orientation this year at Northeastern University in Boston, administrators urged parents not to call their children but to let them call home when they want to talk. At Washington University in St. Louis, upperclassmen perform skits about healthy transitioning for parents. The University of Vermont hires students as “parent bouncers” to delicately keep parents from interfering in, for instance, meetings with advisers.

At Colgate, parents used to receive a sheet listing administrators’ phone numbers. This year, they got a statement about Colgate’s philosophy of self-reliance — a message that was hammered home repeatedly in talks by administrators. Next year, the school may assign parents summer reading on the transition to college.

The approach will continue throughout the year, part of a larger emphasis at Colgate on “teachable moments” outside the classroom. A memo sent to departments ranging from residential life to counseling to public safety reminds employees: “We will not solve problems for students because it robs students of an opportunity to learn.”

Mike Herling, a 1979 graduate with sons in the sophomore and freshman classes, said he welcomes the approach.

“It’s the intercession on a regular basis they’re trying to discourage, and I think it’s important they do,” he said. “Kids are much more self-confident and develop better decision-making skills if they’re given the opportunity to make decisions for themselves.”

But Colgate acknowledges not all parents will be happy, and that there have already been unpleasant calls.

“We get quoted the price tag frequently,” said Dean of Student Affairs Jim Terhune. “But what you’re paying for is an education, not a room at the Sheraton, and sometimes that education is uncomfortable.”

Says Thompson, the counseling director and the parent of a college student himself: “I don’t want them to be happy today. I want them to be happy a decade from now.”

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