In Martha's world, the good life isn't easy

It ain't easy being Martha.

Your standards are demanding, yet you live in a world of half-emptiers. Being at the helm of the many-tentacled Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Inc. means there's always another crisis to be managed, another cross-promotion to finesse. 

To top it all off, you're being kept down by The Man, which in this case is U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York. The Man sent you up to the big house. The Man locked you down in your own crib — albeit a 153-acre crib in the rolling hills of Westchester County with every possible human amenity except for the mansion-sized barn that the Other Man (the Bedford Planning Commission, that is) won't let you build. The Man locks an unfashionable house-arrest monitor around your ankle, further keeping you down.

All because of one lousy stock trade, a sin far less nefarious than those hatched at the typical Saturday-night dinner in East Hampton. But Martha being Martha, she ... will ... survive.

Hence we're treated to the daytime-TV sight of Martha and Diddy standing in her greenhouse, each with a watering can in hand (only Martha could make Diddy water plants) as she raps: "It's Miss Martha from Jersey City / I'll bake you a cake and make your crib look pretty."

That's just the beginning. "The Apprentice: Martha Stewart" launches Wednesday night (NBC, 8 p.m. ET) and we'll be watching to see whether the Queen of All Media can settle herself comfortably, and stylishly, in the tarnished world of reality TV.

At the very least, it will uncover some worthy Marthas-in-training: perfectionists who just might understand how hard it is to be Martha, just how much effort is required to craft a Good Thing.

NBC has repeatedly intimated that Martha's "Apprentice" will be notably different from The Donald's. Martha ditched the boardroom concept, and an entire wave of speculation has been unleashed on her options for dismissing the unlucky loser at the end of each episode.

In MarthaLand, of course, we do not call such people losers. She and executive producer Mark Burnett scored themselves several news cycles by playing coy about her catchphrase. So let's just say that these non-winners lack the certain je ne sais quoi that Martha demands. They aren't bold enough to throw down with the ex-con now known as M. Diddy.

Working hard for their money
A notable shortfall of Donald Trump's "Apprentice" has been the tasks, which were never terribly weighty and have fallen to near-parody of late — made even sillier when acted out by last season's competitors.

FREE VIDEO Martha minus the ankle bracelet Sept. 8: Martha Stewart talks with "Today" host Matt Lauer about her return to television and her eventful year. Today show

Judging from Martha's week-one task (to overhaul a fairy tale — Jack and the Beanstalk or Hansel and Gretel — for modern ears, then pitch it to Random House) there's good reason to believe she'll set a higher bar for her charges. It's all just pretext for them to reveal their obsessive-compulsive traits, but you can reasonably assume that's a prerequisite for employment at Omnimedia.

Also in the Martha product-placement queue, according to Mediaweek, are Buick, Westin Hotels and Song, Delta's low-cost offshoot. (We assume Stewart's posse won't be asked how to pull Delta out of bankruptcy, though we'd pay to watch that.)

Whereas Donald prides himself on being a man of the streets, welcomed into high society but not entirely of it, Martha's very self-definition hinges on her being a woman of pedigree, risen from humble means.

Thus the tone of the show must be more highbrow. She spent less time rapping on her daytime show than Diddy spent wrapping (with handmade paper, of course).  She may float the occasional prison joke, but that's just a way of adding some tough-girl cred to her established role as style maven.

Frankly, Martha's "Apprentice" has a lot going for it: the "Apprentice" brand, a more approachable cast than Trump's collection of pretty folk, cross-promotion with her daytime show, and most important ... The Martha. This is the woman, after all, who lashed her brand onto Kmart and largely walked away smelling like roses.

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