10 sneaky strategies for office romance

6) Transfer your lover: Send him or her packing to one of your branch offices out of state. But not really. Instead, they’ll be working out of the No-Tell Motel across town. Once in a while you can hold a meeting in your office during which your lover appears on a video hookup from his or her “distant” location to report in, and you can play it up by putting a palm tree or a fake snow drift in the background. Of course, if you’re inclined toward having multiple lovers, you’re going to have to explain to your higher-ups about the company’s sudden expansion.

7) Promote your enemy: This might be dangerous, and should only be used as a last resort. Determine which employee in your office would be most upset if you had an affair with another employee, and promote that person. It follows Michael Corleone logic: “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer,” and should eliminate any objections to your affair. Of course, the enemy you promote may keep climbing the ladder and eventually eliminate you from the payroll, so make sure the person you’re involved with thrills you to your pelvic marrow.

8) Stage a fight: Get into a phony but explosive knock-down, drag-out fight in the middle of the office with your lover. Call each other every name in the book. Expose his or her faults to everyone around. Then don’t talk to each other for a few days. Besides creating the illusion for everyone else in the office that you hate each other, it’ll be good practice if you two wind up getting married someday.

9) Let yourself go: Don’t work out. Eat like a slob. Smoke, drink, don’t shave (legs for female managers), dress like a clown. After that transformation, no one in the office would ever believe a person like you could ever be involved with someone of the opposite sex. The problem, of course, is that the person you did all that for may wonder the same thing.

10) Get married and remain faithful: Sometimes the obvious course of action is the wisest.

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