• July 15, 2005 | 6 a.m. PT

Five-link Friday: More Harry Potter candy

On Monday, we’ll take a look at the commercials that are leading in both the best and worst categories, complete with a poll.

For now, another five-link Friday.

• Last week, I talked about the new Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans coming in the new flavors of Bacon and Rotten Egg. With the Potter book only hours away, I decided I had to also link to this online candy shop, which offers many more treats from the Potter books. Chocolate frogs! Ice mice! Jelly slugs! Acid pops! Fizzing Whizbees! Pretend you’re on a break from Hogwarts, doing a little shopping before heading back to school.

• Think you can out-Hitch Hitch? This site lets you splice together your own version of Alfred Hitchcock’s famed “Psycho” shower scene. As if it needs editing.

• San Francisco’s Exploratorium has a fun online exhibit about the Science of Cooking, Learn how to make a naked (shell-less) egg. Check out a cool world map of spices. And take a fun quiz that tells you what to do when you goof up in the kitchen. I wish I’d checked this out earlier this week, before my husband and I oversalted our pasta sauce and didn’t know how to fix it.

• Fans of the BBC’s “Absolutely Fabulous” may already know about this site, but what a lot of fun. There’s an Ab Fab A to Z dictionary, episode guide, quiz and more, plus you can check out the fan-submitted Patsy, Edina and Bubble fashions.

• Reader link o' the week: "Just found your column and adore it. Don't know if you've featured this before or not, but... A coworker sent me this link and now I'm getting everyone I know hooked." AngryAlien.com
[Editor's Note: I have, but it's worth another link. In addition to the 30-second renditions of classic movies as acted out by cartoon bunnies, I am in love with Amy's Diary, excerpts from Amy Forstadt's 1977-1978 diary. The different voices that read the different entries crack me up, especially this one. TOILET WATER! Out of the TOILET!]

• July 13, 2005 | 9:30 a.m. PT

First, two comments for the commercial-discussion haters, from folks who said it way better than I did.

"In response to the people who think it's a waste of time commenting on TV commercials I have to say how much bigger a waste of time is it to comment on commenting on TV commercials? If you don't like it, don't read it."    —Pam

"Isn't it a little odd that folks would go to the trouble to say 'if you don't like it, turn it off' when the same argument would apply, here? If you aren't interested in a blog that's about popular culture, including commercials, then, um... don't read it. Unlike commercials, one has to actively seek this page."    —John

And on to two commercials that are mentioned often in your e-mail feedback, but almost as equally by those who hate them as by those who are entertained by them. What do you think of these two ads? Send in your thoughts.

Commercial #1: Garbage-disposal smoothies
HATE IT:
"How about the credit card commercial where the woman makes her husband a smoothie in the GARBAGE DISPOSAL (she's waiting for her reward — a blender)....seriously I GAG everytime I see it.”       —Amber

"The worst commercial I've seen recently is part of the CitiBank "Rewards" series, where people are shown using inappropriate substitutes for stuff that they presumably can't afford, like a car stereo for an MP3 player, etc. Most of these are just stupid, but the one where the woman uses a garbage disposal to make juice in lieu of a blender, and then serves it to her husband, is disgusting. My husband cringes in horror every time it plays."    —Rachell

LOVE IT:
"My favorite commercials are the Citibank Rewards commercials, where people are having to do something "unusual" because they haven't received their rewards with the card they are using. The most recent one I have seen is the one where a woman makes a "smoothie" for her husband...in the garbage disposal, since she hasn't received her blender yet. Another is the one where the man puts on everything he owns in layers while waiting for his suitcase."      —Dana

"The best commercials are the CITI Rewards Commercials, especially the one where the wife makes her husband a fruit smoothie in the garbage disposal because she didn't get her blender yet! How funny is that!"      —Tina

Commercial #2: David Spade says no no no
HATE IT:
"I really dislike the David Spade Capitol One commercials — fortunately they to be on a hiatus while the Huns commercials are running. His character is so annoying and sadistic! I'm so tired of that series of commercials."       —Marta

"I could do without David Spade saying 'no' in dozens of different unfunny ways and then wanting to know what's in my wallet in a tedious series of CapitalOne ads. They typify 'annoying.' "      —Norm

LOVE IT:
"New nomination: Capital One ads with David Spade! I LOVE his pestering/tormenting of the lovable lunkhead who is new to the business. My favorite is the one where an angry burly man on the cell phone barges into the call center full of cubicles. After David Spade's character, the "NO" man, sees him he quickly says "Oh no, I'm shaking in my bright yellow shirt." The big guy instantly spots the trainee and goes after him, eliciting a big yelp from him as he runs the other way after climbing over a cubicle divider. It's great! All my friends laugh at that one too. That's how I can tell that I'm not completely crazy."    —Libby

"I love the commercials for Capital One's 'No Hassle Card' with David Spade where all the customer service reps say 'No' to all the requests for airline mileage or card terms. The best one of all is when the trainee is 'flying solo' on his first call, which is really David Spade pretending to be a woman, and she convinces him to let her use her airline miles to Cabo (by seductively whispering sweet nothings). David Spade proceeds to blow an air-horn into the phone, sending the trainee flying back into his cubicle wall, causing a chain reaction throughout the call center, knocking over file cabinets, pushing people over, and culminating with the guy at the drinking fountain getting his head pummeled into the drywall. Cracks me up everytime!"       —Bianca

•  July 12, 2005 | 11: 30 a.m. PT

Commercials? Bah, humbug!

Not everyone thinks the topic of television commercials is a worthy subject for discussion. Obviously, I do. As a kid, I stumbled across a book explaining the different techniques advertisements use to sell their products — celebrity endorsements, bandwagon jumping, etc — and found it fascinating. This site offers some interesting thoughts on commercial theory — including "the weasel claim," in which the commercial is careful to use language which really means next to nothing.

I think it's smart for kids as well as adults to be able to dissect an advertisement and understand its language, why it succeeds or fails in its message. And I also think that commercials are saying something about what companies think we will respond to. Sometimes they succeed, sometimes they fail miserably, and I find the debate about that fun.

Not everyone agrees. Today I'm sharing comments from people who want to just change the channel, already. They'll have their say today, but tomorrow I'm getting back on topic, with your thoughts on a few commercials that are hated by some, enjoyed by others.

REMOTE CONTROL
"if you do not like the ads turn them off thats what the remote is all about."    —Anonymous
[Editor's Note: Ditto the CAPS LOCK, apparently.]

SIGN OF THE TIMES
"An unfortunate sign of our times that we waste time commenting on television advertisements. As a result of the insidious, insulting ads on television, I have almost completely ceased watching (in particular) network television. With ads now constituting almost a third of an hour long program, it's impossible to focus on anything except the most meaningless of tv programming. We need a new construct in the tv ad business “    —Steve

DON'T COMPLAIN
"All this complaining about TV ads....if you don't like the ads, don't watch the TV. Speak with your dial not with your mouth. I see ads that I don't like, and you know what, I just turn of the @%$# TV or change the channel. If people don't watch the ads or buy the products, they will change the commercials, but quit your moaning."    —Anonymous

TURN IT OFF
“So many people groaning about all of the horrible ads. I'm fortunate, in that I can't think of a single ad I dislike. Oh, wait. That's because I have not watched television in years.”  —Barbara

A SUGGESTION...
“Well, what we need is a commercial that ties them all into one. We would only have to watch the king hold a hamburger with his friend who has erectile dysfunction and who also shares his life with the girl that has genital herpes and doesnt let that 'slow her down' because she also had a 7 grams of fat or less sandwich. We could then return to our favorite program.”    —Don

• July 11, 2005 | 6 a.m. PT

Fruit of the Loom guys go country

Back to the commercial craziness. But first a little reminder: Last summer, in a very formal ceremony held in the Waldorf-Astoria in my mind, we awarded the best commercial award to Citibank’s identity-switch ads and the worst to Lamisil’s toe-fungus monster. So those ads aren’t eligible this time around. See last year’s final write-up here.

I don’t expect everyone stumbling upon the site to remember or know that, but I like to mention it every so often because every day I get notes where people are confused about why these ads haven’t been mentioned. We still like the mismatched voices! (Although, honestly, they kind of creep me out.) We still hate Digger the Dermatophyte! (Spellcheck just suggested I replace that with “Hermaphrodite.”) We’ve just moved on, that’s all. Even “Citizen Kane” can’t win Best Picture more than once. Wait, it didn't win? Lost to "How Green Was My Valley"? Well, there goes that analogy.

Also, every time I read another note that graphically describes the toenail-fungus ad, I get a bit woozy. So no more of that, please. On to some new nominations, and first, help for a reader with a, uh, underwear issue.

Underwear goes country
“Please, please please HELP! I'm looking for the Fruit of the Loom commercial that was like a music video. It had something like "you can't overlove your underwear." Is there a link to watch it anywhere? I love it! Plus, my favorite country singer, Collin Raye, is the lead vocal!”    --MR

Editor’s note: You’re right, Collin Raye does do the lead vocal. See details in this story.

And you can both watch the commercial and download the song here.

COMMERCIALS WE HATE...
Rocking the boat
“WORST Commercial: The new Tampax commercial. There is a couple sitting in a boat that has a leak. The girl takes a Tampax and plugs the hole. Gross! Why are you carrying an entire box of Tampax with you anyway? This commercial is definitely something that if I never see it again it will be too soon.”        —Adlana

Steaking a claim
“One of the commercials that most annoys me right now is the one for some steak sauce where some woman at a nice restaurant is whispering crossly at the man seated across from her at the table to 'stop that!' and other stupidities. The guy ignores her and just keeps shoveling food into his mouth, then gets up and leaves. Then her husband comes back and wants to know where his steak is. Ha ha, very funny. NOT. If some stranger had the nerve to just sit down at my table and help himself to whatever's there, the least he could expect is to get brained with the nearest heavy object, not indignant but sotto voce queries.”    —Beth

Brains over brawn
“[My nominee for] worst commercial is the one for Brawny paper towels. The commercial is described as: A man with the same strong, yet sensitive qualities as Brawny paper towels prepares a special evening for the woman in his life. Well, this guy just gives me the creeps. He comes off as sleazy not sexy or sensual and any woman who would fall for this needs to have her head examined!”        —Lisa

COMMERCIALS WE LOVE…
Morning cheer
“Starbucks comes through again! First their commerical 'Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy' to the beat of 'Eye of the Tiger.' Now they have the sports motif ad with 'Hank!' I especially like the Hank mascot. Oh, to only have people cheering my name each morning with my cup of coffee while my mascot danced on.”      —Kelly

Doggone
“Yeah, we love the HP commercial. But another of our favorites is for the Toyota Celica (?) where the dog runs around the corner and slams into the car while it's sitting still. 'It only LOOKS fast.' Way too funny. No matter how many times we've seen it, it always gets a laugh.”      —TNT

Baby’s breakfast
“The best, most effective commercial I've seen lately is the Cheerios ad featuring new adoptive parents on the plane back home with their new family. The mom pours out Cheerios and makes a smiley face on the young girl's tray, prompting a remember-forever first smile. Got me at hello!”      —Julie

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