When enough is enough

We all know someone who needs some help.  They've made some bad decisions, fallen in with the wrong crowd. They just need friends who'll step in and say, "Stop! That's enough!"

If you're famous, though, it's a bit more difficult for people to tell you no.  You're constantly surrounded by hangers-on and sycophants and people who just want a chunk of your fame, or your fortune, or both.  And that's when really bad decisions begin.

This goes beyond simply pleading to "Free Katie!" — though you'll note Ms. Holmes tops our list. After all, some celebrities are simply beyond help (Tom Cruise, Britney Spears) and some aren't worth saving (Pam Anderson, Ashton Kutcher).

Others (Madonna, Johnny Depp) have finally learned to keep their names away from most untoward gossip (we're overlooking Depp's plans to turn Hunter Thompson's ashes into a ballistic object).  They've learned to feel comfortable in their ruby-crusted shoes, and the folks we're about to name could take a valuable lesson from them.

So be strong, and remember: They'll thank us for it later.

(1) Katie Holmes
You'd have to be dwelling among deep-sea tubeworms to be unaware of what's going on in Katie Holmes' life right now — and why she's most in need of a class-A intervention.

After all, it's not every day a woman manages to turn perhaps the most influential movie star in the world into a babbling idiot while simultaneously transforming herself into a diamond-flashing cipher.

Given imbalance of fame between Katie and hubby-to-be Tom Cruise, it's truly puzzling that she would just stand mute in her newfound, unparalleled spotlight. Right now, Katie makes Pat Nixon look downright outspoken.

We suspect a couple things are afoot.  First, we know Katie's career had plateaued before the TomKat saga, which only gave weight to rumors that more was in play with this pairing than Tom's cuckoo, couch-jumping infatuation.

It's not like Holmes' counterparts were outpacing her (we're still waiting for James Van Der Beek to emerge from his post-"Rules of Attraction" slump) but we like Katie. She might have been outshined in "Batman Begins," but her role as Claire in "Go" displayed a certain eye-twinkling charm.

So what happened? Fair enough that you might reshuffle your plans if the 40-something marquee idol whose posters adorned your teenage bedroom walls suddenly showered you with affection.  You might even try dabbling in a new religion. But Katie's gone from vivacious to near-catatonic, and it freaks us out almost as much as her inability to appear without her new "best friend," senior Scientologist Jessica Rodriguez, at her side.

Perhaps she's honestly not-on-meds happy, in which case we're content to tell the whole "Free Katie!" posse to chill and let Holmes waltz her silent, lip-locked way to wedded bliss. But when the whole weird situation becomes dinner-table fodder for the symphony set, we have ample reason to be concerned.

So Katie, just know that we're all here if you need us.  If for some reason you don't want to marry Tom, we've got your back. Just don't sign up for "Teaching Miss Tingle 2."

Train wreck factor: 8 out of 10.

Could learn something from: Scarlett Johansson. Johansson reportedly ran when Cruise broke out his shtick.

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