What dancing? Where are the stars?

Their “foxtrot” was no exception. Continuing the show’s absolutely baffling use of music — last week, John and Charlotte had to samba to “Just The Two Of Us” — Joey and Ashly did the elegant, Fred-and-Ginger-ish foxtrot to … “Hey, Big Spender.” No, really.

Despite the fact that this is not a number known for its depiction of a couple bathing in sophistication as they fall in love, Joey and Ashly went ahead and danced, playing out a flirtatious and clichéd I-love-you-no-I-hate-you dynamic that’s been seen many, many times before. They threw in a bar or two of things that looked vaguely like they might be in the “trot” family, but mostly they danced around as rational people normally would to “Hey, Big Spender”: separately.

The absence of foxtrot-like qualities in their foxtrot was powerfully evident to two of the judges, both of whom basically told Joey and Ashly that if this had been the dance they were supposed to do, all would be well. Despite Ashly’s attempts to break in on clearly regretful host Tom Bergeron to talk about “open foxtrot” and “international rules” and something about the designated hitter, she and Joey were sharply downgraded for, essentially, failure to do the homework as written. As one of the judges points out, there is no foxtrot in “Guys And Dolls.”

Their paso doble again brought the bizarre musical selection, as they were sent out to do a bullfighting dance to “Eye Of The Tiger.” Okay. If the dance were supposed to literally, literally be about bullfighting, and if it all added up to a sort of “The Bullfighting Kid” movie where beating the bull is actually the objective, that song might be appropriate. But really, the paso doble is a sex dance. Do you get it? Do you? The bullfighting between the man and the woman represents S-E-X. What does not represent S-E-X is, of course, “Eye Of The Tiger.” Still, Joey and Ashly at least met the technical requirements for a paso doble, and they got better scores in this round than for the foxtrot.

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Nevertheless, it was not to be. Joey and Ashly were indeed the last team eliminated before next week’s finale, which will feature John and Charlotte and Kelly and Alec.

The most striking difference between the teams that will be around for the finale and the team that went home tonight? It’s clear from the rehearsal footage that Charlotte is the boss of John. Likewise, Alec is the boss of Kelly. And so it must be, because Charlotte and Alec know what they’re doing. When it’s time for “Emoting With The Soap Stars,” John and Kelly can lead.

But in Ashly and Joey’s case, she always seemed a little tentative with him. Maybe because she’s young, maybe because he’s pushy, or maybe for some other reason. But Ashly never got her confidence and never was truly in charge, and it seemed to keep her team from jelling. When you’re “dancing with a star,” it’s apparently critical to remember that indeed, most of those words aren’t meant literally.

Linda Holmes is a writer in Bloomington, Minn.

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