‘CSI’ season five: Not a shark in sight

Least necessary character: Conrad Ecklie. More plot device than person, Ecklie seemed to exist only to create drama for other characters on the show, primarily Sara (and in her case we need less drama) and Grissom. It just seems beneath “CSI’s” writing talents to create such a cardboard villain. They tried to humanize him by giving him a case in “Iced,” but even that didn’t make his character any livelier. In the season finale, Ecklie at least allowed the team to work together and really did stand up for Nick. But for me, it’s a case of too little, too late. Nothing against the actor, but this is one character I would love to see disappear before next season. Grissom said it best in “Mea Culpa,” “Look, Ecklie doesn't have a scientific bone in his body. He starts with the answers he wants and then devises the questions to get them.” Get rid of him. Second place: Sara Sidle. Get over Grissom, girl.

Most valuable player: Gil Grissom. Could it be anyone else? Grissom combines humor, wisdom, quirkiness and a weird attractive quality that I’ve talked about before. He had some great moments this season. In “Crows Feet,” his love for bugs took the forefront as he asked an exterminator, “Does it ever bother you that you make your living killing insects?” And his interchange with Madge (Edie McClurg) in “Big Baby” was priceless. She played the clerk at Forever Baby who offered to take Grissom to her playpen. Completely deadpan, he replied, “You know, I don't think the department would let me expense it.” When it comes down to it, the best thing about Grissom is characterized by a conversation he has in “Big Middle,” when Greg asks him what turns him on. In a completely Grissom moment, he said, “Someone who doesn't judge me.” The show would not be the same without him.

Second place goes to Warrick Brown, who had his best line in “Iced,” when he said, “I was a dork in high school. I’m still a dork.”

Best guest star: Pruitt Taylor Vince, as Marty Gleason in “Swap Meet.” It was a small part, but this character actor made the most of it. He played a crime-scene cleanup man, who broke into a Southern accent when talking to the victim’s family, because, “The bereaved often find a southern accent very comforting.” What does it take to be part of the “blood bucket brigade”? Marty said it best:  “All you really need is a strong stomach, a thorough knowledge of solvents, a little sensitivity, a little tact.” Runners-ups include Melissa Leo (also known as Kay from “Homicide: Life on the Street”) for her heart-wrenching turn as the mother who uses her daughter to keep her son alive in “Harvest.” And, of course, Wil Wheaton, making a small-screen comeback as Walter the homeless man in “Compulsion.”

Biggest grossout: The bodybuilder with the bubbling eye in “4x4.” When Robbins and “Super” Dave examine a bodybuilder whose face has been seemingly crushed, Robbins presses his finger against the victim’s eye and a black substance oozes out. If that weren’t disgusting enough, later in the episode the victim’s true cause of death is revealed: His face collapsed from the inside due to side effects of steroid use. The bones that held his face in place had been literally eaten away by airborne mold spores. Um, yum. Make sure not to watch this show while eating. Second place would go to the nice piece of Nick’s abductor’s torso that the CSI’s examine in the finale.

Saddest episode: “No Humans Involved.” Any episode that involves the death of children tends to get to me. This one, about a boy who was found starved to death, was one of the most upsetting. Especially when we find out that his aunt was the one starving him and that there are two more brothers undergoing the same treatment. Sara said it best, “To starve anyone is beyond me, but to do it to a child ... a relative, is unforgivable.” Runner-up: “Harvest.”

Biggest scare: “CSI: LA”? Yikes, when we followed Captain Brass out to Hollywood to track down his daughter’s roommate’s killer, I had a brief panic attack that CBS was about to introduce us to “CSI: LA.” Thank goodness that didn't happen. However, I wouldn’t mind seeing Captain Annie Kramer (Donna Murphy) added to the cast of “CSI” as a detective — she was one of the highlights of the episode. But, please, Anthony E. Zuiker, as my last plea of the season, no more spin-offs.

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