Obi-Wan Kenobi: Jedi sex symbol

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All we are sure of is that just as Kenobi reached an age when he was on the brink of going AARP-raving mad, his former student whacked him in half, at which point Obi-Wan completely vanished, leaving nothing behind but his faboo robe, his lightsaber and a damp sense of “Well, that can’t have been fun.” Obi-Wan Kenobi was, if nothing else, a man who cleaned up after himself.

“This will be a day long remembered,” intoned Darth Vader in “A New Hope.” “It has seen the end of Kenobi; it will soon see the end of the rebellion.”

Boy, did Darth enjoy a good intoning. He also loved to intone with a great degree of inaccuracy. Rather than accepting a forced-by-death retirement with dignity and a mobile home in Tampa, Kenobi then took to popping up every now and then in a translucent manner to issue incidental asides to Luke, gently revealing, for instance, the fact that the lad recently stuck his tongue down the throat of his own twin sister.

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But in “Episode III,” we will indeed see the end of Kenobi. The next time we behold Obi-Wan, he will stride out of a sand dune in order to pinch Luke in the face. There are worse ways to pass one’s golden years.

All hail Kenobi and his massive, near-galaxy-ending screw up! For there is no “Star Wars” without him. Fare thee well, sweet, sweet Obi-Wan. Whenever we needed a shot of sanity and a good strong brow-furrow, you really were our only hope.

Freelance writer Mary Beth Ellis publishes BlondeChampagne.com, where she recently referred to the Popemobile as “B-16's new hoopty.”

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