Grooming for sexual success

Brian Alexander • E-mail

So you’ve seen the results of the Elle/MSNBC.com Sex and Beauty Survey and you’ve learned that women spend 2.2 hours more per week working on their appearance than men do, and that women are more freaked out by the thought of sex if they don’t feel confident about the state of their “nether regions.” This sure reinforces the view of men as the gender more willing to have sex no matter what we look or smell like.

Sadly, this is not an entirely mistaken view. An old girlfriend of mine once thanked me for smelling good. I figured cleanliness was kind of a minimum requirement. I mean, it’s not like I could afford to alienate a willing woman. But she informed me that not all men were quite so fastidious (or, I could have added, grateful).

So let me state right up front that taking a shower before a date is the very least you can do, even if you’re not going to have sex. And use soap. In fact, if this admonition comes as news to you, you shouldn’t be having sex at all. I hereby revoke your license. 

But what else can one do, aside from avoiding being thought a swine, to actually groom for sexual success?

Well, my friends, more than you could have imagined.

Trim the hair down there
I called Lou Paget, the Los Angeles sex seminar guru and author of books like "The Great Lover Playbook" for a few tips. According to Paget, a shower, a spritz of deodorant and a good teeth scrubbing just aren't enough when it comes to sex.

“Women always say ‘Oh, I have shaved my legs,’ but I always tell them ‘Ladies, that’s fine, but he’s not having sex with your legs.’”

So trim things up a bit down there. Sexploration has covered pubic hair grooming before, and described all sorts of creative hairdos that have come in vogue and gone out again, but you don’t have to be elaborate. Just tidy up. This goes for men, too. If you want her down there, why not spruce up Mr. Happy? Besides, he’ll look a bit bigger if he’s out from under all that hair, and most guys are happy for any optical illusion they can get.   

Did you remember to drink pineapple juice?

Yes, ladies — and men too, for that matter — drinking a good sized glass of pineapple juice a couple of hours before the deed can help make your bodily fluids taste and even smell better. Fruits in general are good because they contain acids and sugars.

But, Paget cautions, avoid some vegetables, like asparagus. The same chemicals that makes post-asparagus pee smell like a biohazard also affect our vital juices.

Tragically, beer can make semen taste bitter. Some guys, of course, have never actually had sex without drinking beer, so this is a tough one to avoid, but at least now you know.

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