Tales of wedding jitters

Readers share their experiences of wedding-day jitters: (We are no longer accepting submissions for this topic. Thank you for the thousands of responses).

True love is (color) blind
My husband and I met in 1980 while stationed in the Navy on the Aleutian island, Adak, in Alaska.  He is black, I am white, and 25 years ago that was a very bold thing to declare our love!  We met at a Martin Luther King Celebration choir rehearsal (I was the only white person there) and he knew the moment he saw me that we would be married.  It took me a whole week to know for sure, and 3 1/2 months later, our wedding date was set.

Chuck and Linda Worthy

His mother, who had never met me, but who didn't want her son to marry a "white girl", contacted the Navy base and to make a long story short, although we were active in the base Chapel, we were not allowed to be married in the Chapel or by the Chaplains.  Because Adak was a military island at that time, there was no place to go "off base".  The Legal Officer married us, but we were only allowed to get married during lunch time on a Friday afternoon in the Chapel recreation room.  Best friends boycotted the wedding, sure we were making a mistake.  One friend even told my husband that God told him to tell us to not get married because "nothing good would ever come of it."

On the morning of my wedding as I was preparing to enter the recreation room (no isle, there!), I panicked and got very cold feet.  I was about 10 minutes late coming out of that dressing room, thinking I must be crazy to go against everybody and get married.  Still, I loved him and decided to go ahead with it.  Although there were only a handful of people to witness our vows, when I walked in the room and heard my sweetheart singing a love song to me (he's an awesome singer!), I knew I had done the right thing!

We had many obstacles to overcome, but we can look back and see the amazing things that have come out of our marriage.  For the last 15 years, we have had the largest Christian Performing Arts ministry in the Northwest and have had the opportunity to influence many, many young (and not-so-young) artists, and we have had great success in our personal and professional lives.  Even my parents, who were initially against it, have come to love my husband as their son.

I have the best husband in the world, and we share the same values in "giving back" to the community and being compassionate toward others.  I can't imagine life without him, and I am looking forward to a long and happy life with him.  People who claim to be your friends are not always looking out for your best interest.  I'm glad we went through with it, against all odds. And so are all our wonderful family, friends, and musicians!
--Linda Worthy, Gig Harbor, Wash.

Look out for your own feelings
I remember standing in my bedroom telling my bridesmaid that I didn't want to get married. This was right before the ceremony and the guests were sitting ready for the affair to begin. I chalked it up to cold feet plus I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I went through with it. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I was married for almost four years and I have been divorced for twenty one years. There is no worse feeling than feeling all alone when there is another person in the house/bed. I will never again do anything that I don't want to do just so I don't hurt someone else's feeling.
--Ruth Weeks, Green Bay, Wis.

No look, no love
I thought seriously about calling it off. I had a huge wedding planned and did not want to disappoint anyone.  The worst part was, I had agreed to let his stepfather do the ceremony (he is a minister) so all the pre-marriage counseling was done by him!  I had no one to talk to about my doubts.  My groom went out for his long-planned bachelor party and came home and called my by his ex-girlfriends name!  I let that pass, as he was extremely intoxicated.  Then, as I was walking down the aisle, he never looked at me!  Not one time!  Then at the reception, when we cut the cake and went to feed each other, I went along with the huge crowd chanting, "smash the cake" and smashed a small amount on his face.  (As is done traditionally, maybe not wisely)  He called me an awful name (which was caught on video tape) and pushed me away from him and I was humiliated.
Finally we left for our honeymoon. He watched football, I begged for attention.  I spend the next twelve years married to a man that couldn't keep a job, was miserable, lacked any kind of communication skills whatsoever, was a habitual liar, and only interest was sports.  As a matter of fact, he nearly killed himself by working on a "Fantasy Football" website for so long (12 hours straight) that he developed a deep vein thrombosis which led to him almost dying from pulmonary emboli.  And guess what? I saved his life!  The thanks I got from all of this?  He moved our daughter and me to Florida (supposedly so he could find his purpose for still being alive), met someone and cheated on me.  And then treated my like I had done something wrong.  The happiest day of my life was the day my divorce was final.  His girlfriend dumped him, I met someone who is wonderful and life goes on.
Had I walked the opposite way on my wedding day, I would have not lost the twelve years of my life; and since he wasn't looking at me, he probably wouldn't have even noticed anyway!
--Michelle, Florida

The voice lies
No, I didn't have call it off, but this little voice in my head kept repeating "if you have any doubts, don't do it".  I kept hearing it over and over again. Endlessly.  I loved my then to be husband very much, I was madly in love, but considering that everyone, family and friends, never thought the marriage would work (and I knew that) I guess that little voice felt compelled to keep shouting.  My fiance was almost twenty years older than I, had three children, the oldest being only six years younger than I was, and had a reputation and being a "bad boy".  This gave everyone cause for concern, except me.  I have always listed to my "gut" and I knew this man.  I knew his endless, wonderful qualities and I just could believe that I could be wrong about my judgment of his character.  Well, even given the age difference, here we are twenty-eight years and two beautiful daughters later and I'm still in love.  I was right, he is a remarkable man who has made all my dreams come true.
--Debbie Schamp, San Ramon, Calif.

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