Parenting and rules: Your e-mails answered

DIVORCED FATHERS:
Q: How can divorced fathers keep their relationship with their children strong and healthy? If you only see your child a few times a month, how can you be an effective parent?

A: In between visits, it's important for dads to stay connected. By e-mailing and calling (perhaps even daily) you'll know what's going on in your child's life.

Look to get involved — even if it's not your visitation day. Perhaps you could attend your child's basketball game or dance class or go to religious services. You could even ask your child's school to send you a copy of their report card, and you can keep track of academic events by getting the school's calendar.

Meanwhile, make your weekend visits truly quality time. It doesn't always just have to be fun time. Instead find opportunities for your child to share with you. Have a quiet dinner together or take a walk. And if you have more than one child, make sure to give each of them individualized attention. Staying connected is going to take extra work. That extra effort, of course, is worth it.

DISCIPLINING OTHERS’ CHILDREN
Q: Is it ever okay to discipline someone else's child?

A: Trying to discipline someone else's child is a rocky road. If this is in your home and the child is acting up, what I would suggest is you first tell the child what your house rules are and how you will not allow them to jump on the couch or whatever it is. If the child is engaging in very rude, disrespectful or unsafe behavior, I would immediately call that child's parents and have the kid picked up as soon as possible.

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If you're at a park or in a public place and you see a stranger's child  being disrespectful or misbehaving, I think you want to avoid that. That is not your problem. That person probably will be defensive and you're probably not going to get very far.

COLLEGE GOODBYES
Q: How does a family properly say good-bye to their oldest daughter as she prepares to leave for college? How do we as parents let go? And how do we help our other children say good-bye?

A: Having your first child go off to college is a stress for just about anybody. The best way to handle it is to have a game plan.

First of all, how are you going to pack up? Who's going to be going off to college with her? Make sure everybody knows who's going to make the trip.

Then consider how you're going to communicate from then on. Is it going to be a cell phone? E-mail? The little ones are going to want to know when they are going to talk to their oldest siste.? How are we going to tell her what's happening in school? How are we going to find out about her life?

So have a game plan, stick with it, and have faith. It will probably go a lot better than you can imagine.

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