Ease your child's anxieties

Severe generalized social anxiety disorder. The distinctions among the categories are somewhat arbitrary in nature. If Megan’s symptoms progressed, she could easily fit in the severe generalized social anxiety disorder category. Here we include children who have selective mutism or school refusal. We also include children and teens who’ve become depressed as a result of their social anxiety. For example, kids like Megan can become isolated, lonely, and even hopeless. Children who have numerous physical symptoms or panic attacks and kids who avoid most social situations also fit into this category.

As we said, the categories themselves aren’t important. What is important is understanding the range of problems that can exist so that you’re better able to understand your child’s particular situation. In addition, rest assured that the strategies presented in this book can help you help your child, regardless of where he or she falls along the continuum of shyness and social anxiety.

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For the child who is shy but basically secure and successful, this book will strengthen what you already know and what you’re already doing correctly with your child. In addition, feel free to skip ahead to Chapter 8 for ideas on making friends and feeling comfortable in large groups. For the child who falls somewhere along the middle of the continuum, you can learn to be a knowledgeable coach who can help your child reach his or her full potential. And if your child falls on the end of social anxiety disorder, there is a lot you can do to help. But keep in mind that you may also need a psychologist
who is trained in treating childhood anxiety disorders to guide you through the process.
Look at the diagram below. Where do you think your child’s problems fall?

• Shy but secure
• Shy with problems
• Specific social anxiety disorder
• Mild-moderate generalized social anxiety disorder
• Severe generalized social anxiety disorder

The good news in all this is that you’re not alone. Many parents of children who are shy and socially anxious have learned skills to help their children grow into socially confident and capable adults. The next step is gaining more specific information into the nature and extent of your child’s social concerns.

Does my child have social anxiety disorder?
Below is an informal screening questionnaire that covers many of the situations commonly feared by children with social anxiety disorder, as well as typical symptom patterns. By going through these questions, you will gain a snapshot of your child and his or her problems. You can answer the questions yourself based on your knowledge of your child. Or, depending upon the age of your child and how motivated and cooperative he or she is, you can ask for your child’s help. Consider also asking your child’s teacher for input. Teachers have a lot of firsthand knowledge about how your child behaves in school—information that you quite possibly wouldn’t be able to obtain on your own.

These are the situations my child is likely to complain about or is known to avoid.

• Answering questions in class
• Raising hand in class
• Writing on the blackboard
• Musical or drama performances
• PE class (a lot of social and performance pressures)
• Giving an oral report
• Eating in the cafeteria
• Asking the teacher a question
• Using the school restrooms (not due to fear of germs)
• Doing anything that involves getting out of one’s seat in class and drawing attention to self (e.g., getting up to sharpen pencil)
• Participating on team sports

Excerpted from “Nurturing the Shy Child: Practical Help for Raising Confident and Socially Skilled Kids and Teens,” by Barbara G. Markway, Gregory Markway. Copyright © 2005 by Barbara G. Markway, Gregory Markway. Published by St. Martin's Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt can be used without permission of the publisher.

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