'He kept asking me to take him home'
My husband was 34 years old suffering from malignant melanoma, which had spread to his bones and his brain, causing terrible pain, limiting his vision and causing seizures. He chose to have a craniotomy to relieve pressure in his brain caused by the tumors, which resulted in him having a full frontal lobotomy as they were bleeding. While he could still speak, he was confused much of the time after his surgery. He kept asking me to take him home. His cancer continued to spread to his liver and intestinal tract. Two weeks after his surgery I had all treatments discontinued, including the IV, which was keeping him hydrated. His parents stood by me through this difficult time, never questioning my decision to withdraw treatment (although we did continue to give pain medication and good palliative care) we knew to continue would only have continued his suffering, and the man we all loved was gone, leaving a wreck of a human being behind. He slipped into a coma two days later and died two days after that. I have always known I made the right decision, although I and his family and children continue to miss him, always. I knew he would not have wanted to live like that.
—Tracy Udeschini

Final chance
My father was diagnosed with lung cancer in May of 1992. It spread to his bones quickly, causing severe pain, which didn't respond well to any pain medication. He was expected to live several months in this condition, and was still able to eat, walk, etc., except that the radiation treatments used to decrease the bone pain caused swelling in his throat so that he couldn't swallow at times. While he was in the hospital getting IV's for hydration, he unexpectedly went into cardiac arrest. He didn't have a living will or a do not resuscitate order from his Dr., so the staff was required to start CPR. No family members were in the hospital at the start of the ordeal, but I arrived after they had tried several times to restart his heart. The Dr. told me they would defibrillate him one more time, but then I would have to make the decision whether to let him go. I knew he would rather be allowed to die, but felt that my mother and siblings would like to be there when he died, so I felt the weight of the world was resting on me. Fortunately that last attempt to restart his heart was successful, and the rest of the family arrived to see him. However, we immediately made sure that a Do-Not-Resuscitate order was written by the Doctor in case this happened again. Our family was given another chance to spend with him and say good-bye. In 3 days the same thing happened again during the nighttime hours, and the staff called to inform us that he had died peacefully in his sleep. We grieved horribly over losing him, and occasionally I would have a fleeting thought that we should have continued to have him revived, but overall, we knew we had done him a great favor, allowing him to escape from his misery here on earth.
—Marilyn Miller, Wabash, Ind.

What agony he would have gone through
Our father had lingered for over 13 years with Parkinson’s disease. He had gone through 2 major brain surgeries to relieve the tremors that the disease causes. Nothing helped and he was hospitalized one last time. We were told they wanted to insert a feeding tube since he was unable to eat. The doctors had already told us his body was shutting down and his kidneys and other organs were no longer functioning properly. The family all agreed not to allow the feeding tube or other machines to prolong his life. He was given morphine and oxygen only to ease his last few days. He lived 5 more days. I can only imagine what agony he would have gone through if we had "convicted" him to feeding tubes and respirators. He absolutely would have hated it and told us so if he had been able to.
—Phoenix, Ariz.

Surviving without medicine
My mother was admitted to the hospital with congestive heart failure. Almost immediately upon arrival her heart stopped. Her heart was restarted twice and then she was put on life support. There are seven children and we live from Maine to North Carolina. We all made the mad dash back to Maine to see her and wait it out. Once we had all gathered the Doctor told us that she was not responding to treatment and the alternative was to put her on permanent life support or stop treatment. My mother was awake and aware and we discussed treatment with her. Her wishes were that she did not want to be "hooked up to tubes". As a family we could have overridden her wishes. We made the decision to discontinue the life sustaining drugs that were keeping her alive and leave it in Gods hands. I am pleased to say that my mother not only survived, but also rallied and is doing well to this day five years later. I do not regret saying to stop treatment. If she died, I still feel we would have made the right decision. I love my mother and feel we are blessed to still have her with us. That was God's choice, but I also would not want to have her tied to a ventilator and heart machine. This was the hardest choice I ever made, but surely would do it again in the exact same way.
—Lynn Cox, Downington, Pa.

'She did not suffer'
"My daughter was 32 at the time and dying from ovarian cancer. They had to put a shunt in her left side and because she was so swollen they were afraid they would puncture her lung or heart and if that happened and she stopped breathing did I want her brought back to life and put on a respirator and I said absolutely not. The doctor realized what a hard decision that is for a parent to make. But the bottom line is I knew Cindy would not wanted to have been kept alive by machines. They were able to put the shunt in with no problem, but Cindy passed away the following morning, December 13, 1995. God answered my prayers. When I was told 2 weeks prior that she was loaded with cancer, I asked God to either cure my child or take her fast. He chose to take her and for that I was very grateful because she did not suffer."
—Beverly Stack, Sayreville, N.J.

Disconnecting the machine
"My sister collapsed and lingered in a coma for 6 days, from complications of kidney failure and congestive heart failure. She was being kept alive by a ventilator, taking only 5 breaths on her own of the 22 breaths the ventilator was giving her. So we removed her from life support and she died and hour later. We knew that my sister was relying solely on the machine to breathe and we understood that there was no chance of a recovery, so we decided to take her off the machine and let God decide what His ultimate plans were, and sure enough He did."
—Mary Johnson, Sacramento, Calif.

'That was her wish'
"In 1997 my mother was told that she has cancer, that she only has about 6 months to live and she sent home. Four days later she was rushed to the hospital and hooked up to machines because she was no longer breathing on her own. We decided to unhook everything and let her go because that was her wish. She told everyone that she would never want to be hooked up to a machine."
—Tina Balch, Morris, Minn.

Saved by a feeding tube
"My family went through a horrible time when I was hit by a car, they had to decide wether to take me off of life support or not because the docters thought I was gonna die. So yes I had to suffer for a few months with a feeding tube (which I hated), brain damage, and going to therapy for a few years I gained my strength back and recovered!"
—Helen Lopez, Denver, Co.

'I removed the oxygen myself'
"When my father had cancer and toward the end he slipped into a coma. Some of the family wanted me to do everything that I could to keep him alive. I would only allow oxygen because I knew that he would not want to go on living hooked up to machines. Oh I wanted to because I didn't want my dad to die. After two days I removed the oxygen myself and he peacefully left this world to a better place. I miss my dad and it was so hard to do what I had to do but I knew that it was what he would have wanted. I had the same problem with my youngest son who had Reyes Syndrome. I would not allow him to be hooked up to machines. He would never be able to live a normal life. If the out come for both my dad and my son would have been a full life to live free of pain and problems yes I would have done what I had to do to keep them alive. What kind of a life would have they had living in a coma hooked up to machine? People who allow this are only thinking of themselves and not of their loved one who are really the ones who are suffering. Let them go, let them have peace, that is the most loving thing you can do for them."
—Cheryl Miller, Berea, Ky.

'My 12-year-old son'
"I have had to make a heartbreaking medical decision concerning my 12-year-old son. The decision was made over 26 years ago. He suffered from a little known cancer (at the time) Burkitt's Lymphoma. He had no chance of getting better and was in horrible pain. The doctors and I met and made the decision to withhold all medication except for pain medication. I told my son - who accepted the decision. He died peacefully one week later."
—Bonnie, Trubmull, Conn.

CONTINUED

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