Death on Christmas day
I had to be a voice for my sister who died on Christmas Day 1995. She had a cerebral hemorrhage due to high blood pressure and was rushed into surgery in order to save her life. She made it through the operation but everything that could go wrong did. She had several strokes a day later and was left blind and paralyzed on one side. She was only 41 years old and had talked to me about never letting her become a vegetable and keeping her alive. She was in the hospital for a month and a half when the hospital said they wanted to put a feeding tube in her stomach and transfer her to a nursing home. I gathered her children, 19 & 16 and reminded them of their mothers' wishes and asked them to think hard on what she would want. We all agreed on respecting her wishes and after talking to her neurosurgeon, he too respected her wishes and said we could put her in a hospice room in the hospital. It was very tough and we did not get full support from all relatives. She died after six days of no life support but in the end it was a peaceful death. The reason that my sister and I talked about not being kept alive through artificial means was because our mother died from the same thing at age 48. My mother died within one day of her hemorrhage but she left six kids and a husband heartbroken.
—Shirley Garavaglia, Macomb, Mich.

Horror of complete paralysis
My siblings unwisely placed a feeding tube in my aged mother after a series of serious illnesses, the last of which left her comatose and unable to swallow, or control other bodily functions. Hospice agents urged us to forego the tube and let my mother die with dignity. Against my wishes, (I was the primary caretaker), the sisters and brothers had the tube put in. My mother "awoke" to the horror of complete paralysis, and I nursed her with that face full of fear until she finally died, months later. We should have spared her this kind of end.
—Marie, Live Oak, Fla.

Passing away in peace
Why don't they let this woman pass away in peace? Perhaps more attention could be paid to people like my father who in December was walking around Home Depot in Brooklyn carrying around lumber. A Queens, N.Y. hospital that earlier refused to release my father because they felt him incompetent to make his own medical decisions then abruptly put him in a taxi cab and sent him home. One day later he is in ICU from bowel and stomach lacerations caused by a misguided scalpel. After two, six-hour surgeries he has been left in a state similar to Terri Schiavo. I can't find a lawyer to represent my father because he is deemed too old.
—Alex Wasilewski, Royersford, Pa.Do not resuscitate order

Young and ill
My wife suffered from what is known as Early Age Alzheimers, She was 48 when she showed the first signs of it. Fifteen years later she would have to have artificial assistance to live. I had signed a document forbidding any such assistance. It was heartbreaking to see how over the years she went from being a living, vibrant person to someone who would have no capability to even breath on her own. Over the years I've met several people whose spouse or parent died from Alzheimers who felt that when they passed away they were better off, in Heaven with their God.
—Donald Murphy, Davenport, Ia.

Dignity in death
In 1992 my father was in a nursing home where he was bedridden because of a neuromuscular condition. After more than 10 years of being confined to bed he developed congestive heart failure. He was taken to a nearby hospital where he was told he should be admitted and treated aggressively. He said No several times even though his speech was garbled. The doctor tried to convince him treatment was very necessary. After failing to convince my Dad, I asked the doctor to allow me speak to my Dad privately. I told Dad, we (his four children) would abide by his wishes but he should understand that if he did not receive care he would likely die in a short while. He assured me he understood that. He wanted to go back to the nursing home and die. We supported his wishes. He was not hospitalized and went back to the nursing home and died a few days later of heart failure with all of his family beside him. It was his choice and we supported him fully just as we did in his choice of donating his body to West Virginia University as his last contribution to his family and his community. I feel sure this was the most loving choice we could have made for the end of his life at 84 years. This was painful for us but we respected and loved him far too much to deny him his dignity in death.
—Melva Fisher, Columbus, OH.

Fighting the odds
Our son, Trevor, was diagnosed with Krabbe's disease. He is on a g-tube and has a trachea to breathe. He was to live only two years and now he is 15-1/2 years old, the longest living Krabbe's child. When he was diagnosed, the doctor said we could starve him and that would take care of the burden. He is being kept alive by the people who love and care for him, including the compassionate doctor of special needs kids. He is constantly challenged and treated like a normal person as much as possible and he shows it. The whole family (including my 2 kids) have seen things in his school, and hospital stays, that have opened their eyes to the real world, that have made them very compassionate and loving and caring for disabled kids and people.
—Carol Garbe, Newhall, Calif.

'Nobody in this state deserves to be kept alive'
In 1985, my father, then 82, suffered a massive heart attack. By the time an ambulance and paramedics were able to get to him, he, like Ms. Schiavo, had gone without breathing for several minutes. When they were able to resuscitate, he, like Ms. Schiavo, wound up in a persistent vegetative state due to the lack of oxygen to his brain. An EEG demonstrated that he was clearly brain dead (as is the phrase often used to describe this state). But the portion of his brain that regulates the heart remained viable. Despite the fact that he had no motor function and could not breathe without the aid of a respirator, his heart still kept beating. My parents had divorced many years earlier, and he didn't have a living. I had not lived with him under the same roof for over 2 decades. My sister and I implored the hospital to remove life support and let him go. But because there was no living will, and no one close to him that could attest to his last wishes, and because his heart kept beating on its own, the hospital was obliged to continue life support (and Medicare obliged to pay for it all) despite our wishes. He lay that way for 9 months before, mercifully, he passed away. Nobody in this state deserves to have to be kept alive.
—Robert J. Eckrich, Germantown, Md.

Pulling the plug on your baby daughter
My sister and her husband were very excited in the summer of 1997 to be expecting their first baby. The nursery was all set up, the names were all picked out, and everyone was excited for the first grandbaby/niece. A week before her due date, a rare gene in the baby caused my sister's liver to fail. She was rushed to the hospital and the baby was delivered by emergency cesarean section into the exact same condition that Terri Schiavo is in now - only a functioning brain stem. My sister went into a coma and had to be transported by helicopter to another hospital. We waited for a week, and while my sister gradually improved, the baby girl did not. My brother in law talked with my parents and his priest, and finally made the heart wrenching decision to turn off his daughter's respirator. There was no living will, no way anyone could have been prepared for the situation. But we are convinced that it was the right decision to let my niece be free from her pain and suffering.
—Sheilah O'Grady, Chicago, Ill.

CONTINUED

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