Stories from frontline families

Feeling caged
I am one of the lucky ones in that my entire family is military. My father, sister, brother and husband are all serving, all in different branches. We cover the Air Force, Army and Marine Corps. As someone who has been part of a military family for all of her 26 years, I can tell you that I have never seen communities react the way they are now. For the most part it's good toward the troops deployed, but negative towards the government and the fact we are over there and negative about joining our military.

My brother is "over there" and my husband is currently assigned to recruiting. So I get to see the major differences in opinion. Since we are living off of, and far from, a military installation, this has been a major adjustment for us.

The majority of civilians, when seeing my family out and about, if my husband is in uniform, do one thing: stare. That's it. They say nothing, but literally stop in their tracks to stare at us. I have yet to decide if I want them to say anything, as I am not at all sure that whatever comes from their mouths will be good. I even had one lady do this to my poor husband while we were picking our son up from school. Unable to move the car, because she had stepped directly in front of it to gawk at my husband in his uniform, I got a good look at the emotions playing across her face. They ranged from surprise, to curiosity, to anger.  I had to wonder what she had to be angry about?

Occasionally though, we will have someone stop us to say thank you. Which is kind, but embarrassing, and can become a pain when we have our three small children and are just trying to get out of the grocery store. But it is nice know there are people out there, not in the military, who understand that right now, military families have it the hardest. None of us consider the pay worth the sacrifice, but someone has to do this. Or where would we be? What would our country be named? We don't want the negative comments, or even really the positive, we just want to know that you’re trying to understand. Even though we know you can't possibly.

From the recruiting area, the majority opinions are as such "Thank you for serving, but you can't have my son/daughter.” Even as they say they appreciate the protection our troops provide, they make it clear that someone else can protect them, because they will not allow one of their own family members to do so. Or, in their words, "I won't join under this president." It's a contradiction so great, even I can't really understand it. My husband comes home each night with numerous stories of parents and even the kids themselves yelling -- sometimes even cussing -- at him because he called their number. People have a "You leave us alone, we leave you alone" attitude. This is how our community reacts. They either want nothing to do with the military or look at us as though we are monkeys in a cage.

We have decided neither to agree nor disagree with our community. We keep to ourselves, waiting for the day when we will be back on a military post with other people who understand us and what we are going through as a military family. We wait for my brother to return, dread another "Your brother was wounded" phone call, and live the same way we did prior to the war. The war has only changed one major thing for us; before, people didn't even notice us. Now, we are circus animals.
--Danica Love, Baytown, Texas

Ever-present fear
My Husband is in the Army National Guard and I am in the active Air Force.  For hundreds of years, the spouses of our soldiers bear the ultimate sacrifice.  For the ones who stay behind live within a continual fear.  To speak against Enduring Freedom is to speak ill against your spouse.  We live in a state of fear within our military housing; not wishing to discuss it with other families for fear we maybe looked upon as weak and un-supportive to our soldiers. The fear I refer to is the fear of the infamous sedan vehicle slowly driving down your street, looking for its next family.  The notification can be anything from severe illness or injury.  The final notification usually does not come within the sedan, it arrives via a larger vehicle, that is the Killed in Action Notification. 

It is the plague as it drives down the street, mothers and fathers quickly gather their children to swiftly hide them safely within closed doors.  No laughter can be heard for hours afterward, only the wails from the family that received the notification.  A lone telephone rings as word starts to spread down the street, a continual reminder that it could have been your family.  Our vacant eyes, blank stares and the false smiles and the lost true laughter plague the spouse and children.  One learns to lie very well during this time of deployment, looking at others with our false smiles only to say we are fine.  One learns to cry silently, we find the bath or shower will hide our swollen eyes and runny noses.  We lie to our children when our soldiers leave and while they are gone to quell their fears during the day and to drive away the nightmares at night. 

I pray every night while I light my candle for my spouse.  Praying that if the Goddess wishes to take him, make it painless and quick.  I pray that if he is injured, I beg to the Goddess to give me strength to care for him.  I pray to the Goddess to allow my children the opportunity to show their father what they can become as they grow older. 
--Sgt. Dobney, Grand Rapids, Mich.

Staying strong
My nephew has been over to Iraq twice, and is currently back and is due to get out of the Marines in October, 2005.  For those of you who have doubts, fears, and are in anguish over having a loved one serving, all of these things are natural for you to have. However, keep in mind, no in your heart, the love and the conviction each of you have. For these will weather the worse of storms, these will give to whom you have over seas more strength, and most of all hope. Have no doubts, just move and keep moving forward in those convictions.  Best Regards, wishes, love, and for a speedy return to all the hero's who are and have sacrificed.
--John C., San Francisco, Calif.

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