What chores at what age? A guide for parents

Consider schoolwork and homework as part of the foundation for a good work ethic. Sure, your son may not be enthralled with his math homework, but he should do it without a hassle, in a timely manner, and correctly. I’m not suggesting perfection by any means, but a good, solid effort and organization are reasonable to expect when it comes to school responsibilities.

Be especially careful with a smart kid who gets by easily. Often children who are very bright find that they can succeed in school with very little effort. Challenge such a child by placing him in advanced programs if possible, or provide creative work for him yourself. Gifted, unmotivated children often find it difficult to rise to the occasion when they find themselves in truly challenging situations later in life. And because they haven’t had to work hard for their accomplishments, they often give up easily when frustrated.

Start chores and responsibilities early in life. It’s much easier to begin a good habit with a 3-year-old than to break a bad habit with a 13-year-old. Decide whether your child should receive an allowance for performing his chores. Should the allowance be given for completing everyday items (picking up his room, putting away his laundry) or should it be for “extras” such as washing the car or the windows? This is an individual family decision that should be based upon what you believe teaches the best lessons to your kids.

Only on TODAY.MSNBc.com! Dr. Ruth Peters addresses questions about how best to bring up children. LAST COLUMN: Can my little boy invite a girl for a sleepover? GO TO ALL PARENTING WEEKENDS COLUMNS

Encourage volunteering. Studies resoundingly confirm that helping others — reading to the elderly in a nursing home, babysitting children at Sunday school, or serving food at a local soup kitchen — not only benefits others but develops a sense of pride in the volunteer.

Help your teen to land a paying job when the time is right. In considering jobs, be sure that the workplace is a safe environment and that the job doesn’t interfere with his school or homework responsibilities. Discuss how he is to handle his salary — putting some away for future purchases or responsibilities (car insurance), while keeping some for weekly spending money. When a teen receives a salary, the allowance is usually no longer necessary.

Model a positive work attitude yourself. If you work within the home, show pride in your accomplishments and how you provide a nice environment for your family. If you work outside the home, share your experiences, opportunities, and insights with your kids. Let them see that a career is not just work, it’s an opportunity to grow, to access financial stability, to meet and make friends, and is an interesting place to be.

Let your kids see that just because you want something, you don’t necessarily get it. Share with them the pros and cons about buying something on credit versus saving and purchasing it with cash in the future. Learn to tolerate the frustration of postponing your own gratification, and your kids will follow suit.

NEXT WEEK: Yes, there are happy endings

From “Laying Down the Law: The 25 Laws of Parenting to Keep Your Kids on Track, Out of Trouble, and (Pretty Much) Under Control,” by Dr. Ruth Peters. Copyright ©2002 by Dr. Ruth Peters. Excerpted by permission of Rodale. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Dr. Peters is a clinical psychologist and regular contributor to “Today.” For more information you can visit her Web site at www.ruthpeters.com. Copyright ©2005 by Ruth A. Peters, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

PLEASE NOTE: The information in this column should not be construed as providing specific psychological or medical advice, but rather to offer readers information to better understand the lives and health of themselves and their children. It is not intended to provide an alternative to professional treatment or to replace the services of a physician, psychiatrist or psychotherapist.

MORE FROM PARENTING

Parenting Section Front

Many teens believe they’ll die young   Images: Jackson’s children unveiled What will happen to Michael Jackson’s kids? Parents celebrate their son’s life — all 99 days allDAY: TODAY moms' get 'Tagged' Teens who move a lot have twice suicide risk Forget fireworks: Teach kids meaning of July 4 Obama: 'I have been an imperfect father' Baby names: Parker, Broderick go old-fashioned Grown kids return to the nest — and regress Parenting Section Front   Add Parenting headlines to your news reader: