What chores at what age? A guide for parents

Be careful not to buy on impulse or demand for your early grade schooler. Begin an allowance system and teach them to have goals. Let them see how close they are to earning a new action figure or video game. Encourage waiting and saving.

Older Grade Schoolers
Eight-, 9-, 10-, and 11-year-olds can continue with self-hygiene chores and be totally responsible for getting ready for school. Although they will need help and guidance with homework, they can do much of it on their own. These kids can bring in the mail and take out and bring in the trashcans. They can be expected to keep their rooms clean and to help out with family chores such as dusting, straightening the family and play rooms, and helping to put away laundry other than their own. Setting and clearing the table are appropriate responsibilities, as are pet chores.

Instead of giving these kids toys, treats, or possessions when demanded, have them learn to save their allowances for purchases. Teach them to buy on sale and to budget. Have them wait a few days before impulsively making a purchase — let them see that they may change their mind and be glad that they saved their money. Have them contribute at times to the rental fee for a video game or movie. Start a bank account and show them how to balance it each month.

Middle Schoolers
Twelve-, 13- and 14-year-olds are quite capable of helping out with just about everything around the house. They can cook, help clean, do yard work, and wash the car. They can be totally responsible for doing their own laundry. Encourage babysitting younger siblings and doing pet chores. Watch out that you are not doing too much for them, as they will continue to be “helpless” if you allow that. Self-esteem is largely based in accomplishment, and kids who “do” feel good about themselves.

Encourage an allowance system for purchases such as CDs, video games, and movies. Kids this age can be placed on a clothing allowance system — which teaches budgeting and planning ahead. They’ll learn that “wanting” doesn’t always lead to “getting” — a great lesson to learn at this time in life.

High Schoolers
Teens can be very self-sufficient — taking care of their own laundry, ironing, helping with dinner preparation and clearing, as well as watching younger siblings. If your teen is driving a car, have her chip in for auto insurance or gas, especially if she has a paying job. Encourage her to volunteer and to help with family chores, not just her own.

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If she has a paying job, eliminate the allowance, but you may still have to chip in for clothing purchases. Set a limit on what you think is reasonable, and if she has extravagant tastes, let her take up the slack and put in the difference from her own savings. Don’t cave in and allow privileges or freedoms that you feel uncomfortable with just because she nags you — stand your ground if you feel that her requests are inappropriate. Remember, she’s learning the work ethic and frustration tolerance — skills that will serve her well as an adult!

Living the Law
How do you set the scene for building a good work ethic? Consider the following suggestions.

Don’t be a peace-at-any-price parent. Giving in to your child’s whines and fusses just to keep the complaining down to a dull roar only hurts both of you. Ask yourself, “If I give in and let my preschooler get away with neglecting to feed the cat, what am I teaching him?” Remember — not doing something about inappropriate behavior is still making a statement, perhaps a lesson that you don’t really mean to teach.

Set up expectations for each of your children. Make them clear and reasonable, and check to be sure that the kids follow through. If they don’t, set up consistent consequences that matter to your kids so that they are more apt to complete the chores or expectations in the future.

Raise the bar. As your kids mature, expect more. Most parents don’t realize how much kids can really do, especially little ones. We tend to think of our children as helpless, and, believe me, they will not try to change that perception! Preschoolers who have the dexterity and strength to pull toys out of toy boxes have the ability to put the toys back in. They just may not have the motivation to do so! And that’s where you come in — by modeling the toy cleanup process, playing beat-the-buzzer to complete a chore in a fun way, or holding off on a treat until the toys are back in the box. Your kid will soon get the message if you stick to your guns. And expect more initiative and quality as your children grow. You shouldn’t have to remind your daughter at 8 years of age to make her bed — she knows that it has to be accomplished before coming to breakfast, but again, only if you set the rule and stick to it. By the teen years, kids can do just about any job that you can around the house, plus they have more time and energy. Expect more and you’ll get more!

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