What chores at what age? A guide for parents

No one is born with the work ethic. Study after study has shown that perseverance, self-discipline, and frustration tolerance — the bases of a solid work ethic — are learned, not innate. There’s no passing the buck here, blaming your child’s procrastination or feeling of entitlement on your partner’s or Grandma’s genetic makeup just won’t cut it. It’s up to you, the parent, to instill the difference between wanting and getting, and to teach your child to postpone gratification in order to accomplish and succeed later as an adult.

Reasonable Expectations by Developmental Stage
Here’s how to grow these expectations with your child.

Two-Year-Olds
Between 24 and 36 months of age, your child develops the ability to handle many behavioral responsibilities. Use a timer to motivate your child to clean up specific toys and put them back in their proper place before the buzzer goes off. Make chore completion fun and be sure to help out, modeling the good behavior yourself. Be careful at the grocery store that you don’t cave in and buy a toy that your little one puts into the cart — that’s an easy habit to start and a difficult one to get rid of!

Three-Year-Olds
Between 3 and 4 years of age children are able to perform daily chores such as putting dirty clothes in a hamper (you may want to play beat-the-buzzer or dunk-the-basketball to get them moving on this) and helping you to make their beds. Threes can fill pet bowls, pull up their own elastic-waist pants and skirts, and brush their teeth with your guidance. Praise your child for a good effort — little ones thrive on positive attention, and they don’t need constant treats to motivate a good performance.

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Four-Year-Olds
Fours continue to be able to complete chore responsibilities such as putting their dirty dishes on the counter or clothes in the hamper, giving the dog water or food, washing themselves in the bath with your supervision, brushing their teeth with your guidance, and picking out their clothes for the next day. Remember to thank them for their help and note that because the child was quick to get ready in the morning, there’s now time to play a word game before leaving for preschool.

Early Grade Schoolers
Fives can prepare themselves for kindergarten in the morning (getting clothes out, etc.) and work 15 minutes at a time on letters, dot-to-dots, and other pre-academic tasks. Fives are able to help to make their own simple lunches, dress themselves, and begin to learn to tie their shoes. They can also begin to help younger siblings with dressing and other tasks. These children can help clean up after their baths (hanging up the towel, putting dirty clothes in the hamper), as well as making their own beds.

Six- and 7-year-olds can work cooperatively with you on homework as well as doing some of it themselves. They can put their clean clothes in the correct drawers or hang them up in the closet, pick up their bedroom daily, and meet deadlines for baths and bedtime. Early grade schoolers can be expected to brush their teeth by themselves, answer the telephone, and respond politely when spoken to. They can help with dinner chores and take out their own articles from the car each day and put them away. Many early grade schoolers can set their alarm clocks (with adult supervision) and wake up by the alarm in the morning (again, with your guidance).

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