Teens' online lingo leaves parents baffled

She did everything right. Her 14-year-old daughter's computer was in the living room. She even peeked over her shoulder once in a while during the girl's avid instant message chats to make sure nothing unusual was going on.

But the girl fell into a steamy Internet love affair with a 35-year-old man anyway. The mother was horrified and confused: How could this happen?

The family computer contained little evidence of the affair -- until the mother brought it to a police officer who spoke the right language. Instant message shorthand was to blame, he told her. Her daughter and the 35-year-old were so proficient at that cryptic language often spoken by cell phone text message users (r u there?) that they were having the affair right under the mother's nose.

"Mom is very responsible," said Susan Shankle, a South Carolina-based therapist who counseled the family, which requested anonymity. "She just didn't know the language."

After observing the case, Shankle and colleague Barbara Melton decided to set up training seminars for other therapists dealing with similar problems.

"Parents need to know what all those little alphabets mean. We've always said put the computer where you can see it, but that's not enough. You need to go over there and ask them what that stuff is. Even therapists were shocked at some of it."

Online personas can seem exciting
During the first few workshops, Shankle said, many therapists were familiar with very common shorthand terms like BRB (be right back). But others produced shock.

"'How about nifoc,' I asked, 'what does that mean?' No one knew. So I told them it means 'naked in front of computer.'  You should have seen their reaction," she said.

Often, the child isn't really naked in front of the computer, Melton said -- the children just like the idea of "titillating" other online users, and are fully capable of doing it within view of parents, she said.

"Kids can teach each other how to cover their tracks," she said.

Melton has a whole string of horror stories. In one case, a 12-year-old girl created three distinct online personas for instant message communication -- all much older, and sexually active. One persona was a 26-year-old woman with dominatrix tendencies, who worked as a real estate agent. The charade went on for three years, and didn't break down until one of the girl's suitors showed up at her house.

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