Waging war on germs

EMOTIONAL OVEREATING
Q: My 12-year-old son eats when he's unhappy. What can I do or say to help him break this bad habit?

A: The first thing you need to do, says Marlene B. Schwartz, co-director of the Yale University Center for Eating and Weight Disorders in New Haven, Conn., is make sure your son is getting an adequate breakfast, lunch and dinner with regular healthy snacks between so you can rule out that he’s hungry.

Once that’s done, you’ll need to play detective. Take some time to observe your son’s habits and try to deduce when and why he’s eating due to his emotions.

“Look at this as a puzzle and see if you can find the pieces that are triggering it,” says Schwartz. Try to find out exactly what’s causing the sadness. Did he have a fight with a friend? Is he having trouble with homework? Is he bored? Once you’ve done your best observing, it’s time to sit down and talk with him about his feelings.

“You need to ask him, ‘How are you feeling?’ ‘What’s going on?’” says Schwartz. The idea is to try to get him to identify his feelings and articulate them instead of masking them with food.

Schwartz says all humans eat for emotional reasons at one time or another but those who develop a problem tend to be “people-pleasers.” They have trouble being direct and assertive and they usually need to learn how to be more honest in their relationships. “When you’re more honest you tend to feel closer to the people in your life,” explains Schwartz. Consequently, you tend not to seek solace in food.

You’ll really be doing your son a service by encouraging him at this young age to be true to himself even if his opinions aren’t always what others want them to be. But he may also need some ideas on what he can do instead of eat when he’s feeling upset. Activity is always good, so try to encourage sports, walking the dog, etc. And, of course, talking to friends and family should be encouraged.

If none of this seems to work, though, it’s time to get a professional opinion. If he's suffering from depression, for instance, he'll need more help than you alone can offer.

Lastly, all parents should know that there’s one thing you can do to help protect children from eating disorders: have a meal together. A study recently published in the Journal of Adolescent Health by University of Minnesota researchers found that children who ate meals with their families tended to have fewer eating disorders.

Researchers believe the meal itself provides an opportunity for parents to model healthy eating for their children. And the meal-time conversation (as long as it's positive) gives parents a chance to check in with their kids on how they're feeling.

Victoria Clayton is a freelance writer based in California and co-author of the new book "Fearless Pregnancy: Wisdom and Reassurance from a Doctor, a Midwife and a Mom," published by Fair Winds Press.

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