Family of boy with cancer bids on hope

By Leef Smith

updated 9:13 a.m. ET Jan. 5, 2005

WASHINGTON - Tiffini Dingman-Grover said it began with a grilled cheese sandwich — not just any sandwich, but one that bore a likeness of the Virgin Mary and brought in $28,000 at auction online. The final, galling straw, she said, was a "haunted" walking cane that last month fetched $65,000 on eBay.

"I thought if people are going to spend that kind of money for crap, then maybe they'd put it toward a good cause," said Dingman-Grover, who has spent two years facing the emotional and financial cataclysm of a critically ill son, David, 9.

A fist-sized tumor that grew at the base of his skull and pressed against his throat was diagnosed in 2003. The child teetered on the edge of death so many times after starting chemotherapy and radiation that Dingman-Grover and her husband, Bryn Grover, were advised to buy a coffin.

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Much of the $1 million cost of his care since then has been covered by insurance, but the myriad extra expenses — the prescriptions, the equipment — are not. So, sitting Sunday at her home computer, the Sterling mother of four crafted her own brand of eBay auction.

Subject line: "Help Kill My Son's Cancer Tumor."

"Today I am offering the opportunity for someone to help pay for the surgery my son will be getting to biopsy his tumor," her posting read. "I have never done this type of thing before, but I figured it could not hurt."

The entry has generated more than 1,600 hits, and last night bids had reached $200, mostly from friends who want to show the family how much they care: Many have pledged to send the amount of their bids to the family even if they don't win the auction.

Included on the Web page is a picture of David, a wan, smiling boy in a hospital gown, seated in a wheelchair. The auction describes his difficult battle with Rhabdomyosarcoma, the tumor he has nicknamed "Frank" and his improbably upbeat attitude.

EBay officials said it is not uncommon for the site's auctions to solicit funds for medical bills or help with tuition or other personal causes. EBay's policy, spokesman Chris Donlay said, is that the winning bidder must receive something tangible for the money. In this case, the winner of the Grovers' auction will receive a bumper sticker that reads: "Frank Must Die."

Donlay said last night that eBay had reviewed the Grovers' posting and determined that it violated parts of the policy. But the Grovers "are obviously doing a nice thing, and we'll figure out a way to help," Donlay said.

Dingman-Grover and her husband work, she part time, and their family has health insurance. What they lack is the cash to cover the many extra bills that accompany a catastrophic illness, and those expenses have come out of the family's house — literally. More than a year ago, the couple began selling belongings on eBay to pay David's pharmacy bills, among other things, which sometimes ran about $700 a month.

"We were selling everything that wasn't nailed down," said Bryn Grover, who is a vice president of operations for a computer company based in Sterling.

Biopsy needed
The Grovers did not post the "tumor" auction to raise money to pay for lifesaving surgery or a miracle cure. What David needs, the Grovers said — and their pediatric oncologist confirmed — is a costly biopsy at a medical institute in Los Angeles.

The tumor has shrunk to the size of a peach pit, and doctors want to determine whether it is inactive — malignant but not growing — or benign. But it is hard to reach by medical instruments and surrounds David's carotid artery, the blood supply to the brain.

If the tumor is inactive, David must continue chemotherapy. If it is now a benign mass, he might be able to resume a more normal life, at least for now.

"He's doing well," said his oncologist, Marcie Weil. "Do I think he has viable tumor left or that it will come back? I'm thankful today he looks so wonderful. Yes, I think there's a chance he has viable tumor."

Slouched on a sofa yesterday afternoon, Oreo cookies in one hand, a glass of milk in the other, David watched afternoon cartoons with the intensity of a child who craves a normal routine. The hair missing from spiky bald patches on his head will never grow in, thanks to radiation, his mother told a visitor.

"One day I'll wear a comb-over," David shot back, giggling, his eyes never straying from the television.

Dingman-Grover describes her family members as born-again Christians who believe that David's fate rests not with doctors but with God. She tells the story of a harrowing night in February when David's blood pressure dropped dangerously low, and he called to his mother.

"He said, 'It's time for me to go,' " she recalled, her eyes filled with tears. "It was the first time I filled out a DNR" order.

"What's a DNR?" David asked, missing nothing despite the cartoons.

"It's a 'Do Not Resuscitate' form," she explained gently. "Remember, that was the night the angels came."

David nodded in agreement.

He got up from the sofa to show off one of his prized possessions: a "Chemo Joe" doll fashioned just for him in December 2003 by Hasbro Inc. when he was granted a wish by the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

The doll was made to David's specifications, which included a Joe with three interchangeable heads of hair for each phase of chemotherapy and an attached intravenous line, among other very cancer-patient-centric features.

David won much praise from the Make-A-Wish folks when he offered up his wish to help other young cancer patients at Inova Fairfax Hospital, picking out $750 in toys and delivering them like a pint-sized Santa.

"It is a unique situation when a child has gone through so much difficulty in their life and they come out thinking of other children," said Heather Terry, a community relations coordinator for the Make-A-Wish Foundation. "He's definitely a special kid."

Dingman-Grover can't speculate on her son's future. Whatever the tumor's status, David's cancer is a villain they will track for the rest of his life.

"My husband and I believe you can't think about the 'what ifs,' " she said. "It's about the now. David is here now."

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