Holidays got you stressed out? Take our test

Do you find yourself increasingly dreading the holidays?

Do you find the shopping amongst hoards of desperate shoppers, the selecting of just the right gifts, the cooking of wonderful holiday treats and the many get-togethers of family and friends to be less than joyful?

It’s an issue for millions of people, particularly women. But is it just something you need to plow through, or are you suffering from so much stress that you need to handle your holiday time differently (or risk a true holiday meltdown)?

For some, the signs will be obvious; for others, guidance is needed. To help you decide, we’ve put together a brief stress test. Answer these questions to help you assess how strung out you are this holiday season. Once you have answered the question, check out our tips to help alleviate the pressure that seems inevitable at this time of year.

1. Do you feel exhausted a lot of the time, so much that holiday gatherings don’t sound like much fun?
2. Do you worry that your holiday plans will not be special or wonderful enough for your friends or family?
3. Do you feel like all the holiday details are left up to you?
4. Do you find it difficult to enjoy the spirit of the holiday season?
5. Are you increasingly forgetful, discombobulated or resentful during the holiday season?
6. Are you secretly wishing it would all be over soon so you can get back to normal?

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If you answer “yes” to two or more of these questions, you may be overstressed and would be wise to take some action to relieve your feelings. Please see our tips below. (One side benefit: Taking action can, in and of itself, help alleviate feelings of being overwhelmed.)

Shorten the list and delegate!
You cannot do everything and still have an enjoyable holiday. In addition, you should acknowledge that not everything has to get done.

First, decide the top several priorities, then start crossing off anything that is not an absolute must (baking more than one kind of cookie, having more than one holiday meal, going to every holiday party to which you are invited, getting the kids more than one gift).

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Next, start delegating what's left. Generally, women end up doing it all, and they think they can’t ask for help. Wrong! Give your partner a list of a few things he can do that will help (shop for two gifts, get out the decorations, do the grocery shopping).

Get realistic about family
Usually, expectations for family reunions are too high, which results in frustration and disappointment. Don’t try to have everybody be “happy” all the time. Meanwhile, keep a check on the amount of unstructured time; too much togetherness can lead to getting on one another’s nerves. (And if you don't have family to be with, make plans early with friends so that you won't stress over being alone.)

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Be healthy
Exercise really helps with stress (as does eating sensibly and sleeping well). On the other hand, drinking a lot of alcohol — which many stressed people do to “relax” — will disrupt your sleep cycle and make you feel worse.

It IS the thought that counts
Often perfectionism and competitiveness drives you to shop, shop, shop for gifts. This adds time, frustration and the spending of too much money (which will stress you financially). Then when everyone doesn’t appreciate it all enough, you feel angry and disappointed. Keep it simple, inexpensive and, most important, thoughtful. People want to know you thought of them and value them. That is the biggest gift of all.

Remember the true meaning of the holiday
Think about the spirit of the holidays, whether that means the time you spend with your family, religious observance or reflection on your life and goals. Talk to your kids about it, share that spirit with those you care about, and let the trappings be optional.

Dr. Gail’s Bottom Line: The holidays are important, but be sure you are marking their significance in a way that leaves you time to enjoy the moment.

Dr. Gail Saltz is a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital and a regular contributor to “Today.” Her new book, “Becoming Real: Overcoming the Stories We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back,” was recently published by Riverhead Books. For more information, you can visit her Web site, www.drgailsaltz.com.

PLEASE NOTE: The information in this column should not be construed as providing specific medical or psychological advice, but rather to offer readers information to better understand their lives and health. It is not intended to provide an alternative to professional treatment or to replace the services of a physician, psychiatrist or psychotherapist. Copyright ©2004 Dr. Gail Saltz. All rights reserved.

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