Q: Every Christmas Eve I host a big family dinner at our home. There are several children under age 3 present, and my young nephews run around, touching all our glass ornaments and special decorations. Their parents get tired of chasing them, my husband retreats to the basement — and I end up telling the kids to behave, all while trying to cook for 18 people. I hate the hassle. How should I handle this year’s get-together?

A: If you held a party and some guests were vegetarians, you would have something for them to eat. Likewise, if you hold a family get-together and some relatives are toddlers, you need an environment that is suitable for them.

As you know, it’s tough to handle rambunctious toddlers. It’s even tougher to keep them in check during a time of high excitement — and few things get kids more revved than Christmas.

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They are in an unfamiliar home and a wondrous situation, jumping out of their skins. Santa Claus is coming! They’re getting presents! It’s extra-hard for them to calm down and behave. And if you are hosting an event like this, you should plan accordingly.

At present, the environment in your home sounds particularly child-unfriendly, with sparkly things that entice small children even as you forbid them to go near. Fragile ornaments and excited toddlers don’t mix. Any normal toddler is going to run around and touch things.

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That doesn’t totally excuse their parents, who should take some action to keep their children from excessive exuberance and misbehavior. However, in the final analysis it’s your house, and you either need to decide to not host such events or accommodate the children who are going to be there. (It is unlikely, of course, that your adult relatives would come if the children were not included in the invitation.) Otherwise, despite the best of intentions, you have set up a situation that’s unfair to everyone.

If you decide you still want to hold the Christmas Eve party, here are some tips to help you prepare to have kids in your home:

• If you are decorating, use child-friendly decorations. Put away stuff the kids will damage or destroy. Close and lock the door to several rooms if need be.
• Keep the kids occupied. Ask their parents to bring toys, or you can set aside a play area or pop in a video. Enlist the teenage relatives to take the little ones outside to burn off energy by running races or playing catch.
• Don’t make the kids wait for gifts. If you typically open gifts at the end of the evening, do it earlier, especially if the kids are going bozonkers. (And if they get toys, they will have something new to play with.)
• Prepare dinner ahead, or buy some of it ready-made. It’s okay to be a participant instead of a chef. If you’d feel more comfortable keeping an eye on the kids (and joining in the adult festivities), don’t cook an elaborate meal that tethers you to the stove.
• Limit the length of the get-together. It needn’t last all night.
• Be realistic. I often see people convinced they must take their “fancy” things out for holidays. In this case, it's impractical. You don’t have to do things perfectly, and you don’t have to suffer under the weight of tradition.

It’s not that you should turn your house into a zoo, but if you know kids are coming, plan for their kidlike behavior. When they are older, your holiday celebrations can be more grown-up.

It would be nice if your husband could be a better sport and not retreat to the basement, and it's fair for you to request that he stick around. If the atmosphere is more enjoyable and less stressful for everyone, maybe he will have an easier time doing this.

Dr. Gail’s Bottom Line: If you are expecting small children in your home, create a child-friendly atmosphere. It benefits you as much as it benefits them.

Dr. Gail Saltz is a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital and a regular contributor to “Today.” Her new book, “Becoming Real: Overcoming the Stories We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back,” was recently published by Riverhead Books. For more information, you can visit her Web site, www.drgailsaltz.com.

PLEASE NOTE: The information in this column should not be construed as providing specific medical or psychological advice, but rather to offer readers information to better understand their lives and health. It is not intended to provide an alternative to professional treatment or to replace the services of a physician, psychiatrist or psychotherapist. Copyright ©2004 Dr. Gail Saltz. All rights reserved.

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