Test Pattern: Rating ‘Friends' finale

• May 7, 2004 | 10:30 a.m. PT

How does the ‘Friends’ finale rate among other finales?

Ah, the "Friends" hangover is lifting. It wasn't a terrible ending for the über-popular show. But when it comes to ranking my Top Five TV finales of all time, "Friends" doesn't make the list.

Let's start from the bottom, like they do in the Miss America pageant.

#5: "Mystery Science Theater 3000"
My #5 top finale is one that doesn't make many people's lists: the finale of "Mystery Science Theater 3000." In this one-of-a-kind classic show, Joel and later Mike were shot up into space and forced by Dr. Clayon Forrester (and later, by his mother, Pearl) to watch bad movies. The show was beloved by critics and fans but underappreciated by its networks. It still managed to pull off a note-perfect finale. After watching "Diabolik!", a campy spy movie from 1968, Mike and the 'Bots manage to return to earth. And the final scene is sweet: The three pals end up sharing a basement apartment somewhere in Wisconsin. As they relax in their wood-paneled rec room, a movie comes on the TV. It's "The Crawling Eye," the very first MST3K movie, and they settle in and begin riffing on the movie, as if nothing ever changed.

#4: "The Wonder Years"
"The Wonder Years" finale is another one that's always ignored by critics. But it's the TV finale that puts the biggest lump in my throat every time I see it. This coming-of-age show painted a beautiful picture of a vanished America during the 1960s and early 1970s, and it was hard not to fall in love with sweet little Kevin Arnold as he struggled to grow up. (The voiceovers from "Diner" alum Daniel Stern added just the right adult touch.) In the finale, Kevin and longtime love Winnie kiss for perhaps the last time as both realize they've come to a crossroads. In the final, heartbreaking voiceover, Stern fills us in on what happened to the Arnold family. His beloved dad died. Bratty brother Wayne took over the family furniture business. Winnie went to France to study art history, and she and Kevin wrote to each other weekly for eight years. And then the real shocker: He was there to meet her when she came home, but with him were his wife and infant son.

The final speech of "The Wonder Years" finale is worthy of being reprinted here. "Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you’re in diapers, the next day you’re gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place, a town, a house like a lot of other houses. A yard like a lot of other yards, on a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is, after all these years,  I still look back...with wonder."

#3: (Tie) "Cheers"/ "Newhart"
"Cheers" was one of the first massively watched finales. And Sam and Diane were no Ross and Rachel. Shelley Long did return to the finale after her character, Diane Chambers, had taken a six-year absence. If I recall correctly, they were about to fly off and get married, but at the last minute, Sam ended up staying at "Cheers," where everybody did know his name.

"Newhart's" finale fits in the category of what I call Trick Endings. Fans grew to love Bob Newhart as Dick Louden, owner of a Vermont inn, but in the back of all our minds, he was forever Dr. Bob Hartley, Chicago's best psychologist. So when he woke up in bed with Suzanne Pleshette and told her all about this weird dream he'd had, the audience got a laugh and felt smart at the same time.

Other Trick Endings include "St. Elsewhere" as the dream of an autistic boy, and Roseanne telling us she didn't win the lottery, her daughters married the wrong men, and that lovable galoot Dan (John Goodman) was dead. Ouch.

#2: "M*A*S*H"
The Korean War lasted less than a third as long as this classic show. Its two-and-a-half hour finale remains the most-watched U.S. telecast of all time. And its writers pulled no punches: Star Hawkeye was horribly depressed due to a terrible incident in which he witnessed a Korean woman smother her baby. (Not exactly the kind of thing you'd see on "Friends.") He struggles to cope, and slowly, the cast begins to say goodbye and make plans for a return to civilian life. As Hawkeye flies off -- home to Crabapple Cove? -- he sees a message that best pal B.J. has made with rocks -- GOODBYE. A nice moment in the history of a show that had a lot of them.

#1: "The Mary Tyler Moore Show"
Some would say "M*A*S*H" deserves this top spot, but for this transplanted Minnesotan, it's MTM all the way. The last show combined laughter and tears in a way no other finale has done before or since. The writer that came up with the idea that new station management would fire everyone except bumbling Ted Baxter deserved a bonus for that idea alone. And who can forget the massive group hug, finally shuffling en masse over to get a Kleenex? The musical choice -- having the cast sing "It's a Long Way to Tipperary" -- was inspired. Goodbye, Piccadilly, farewell Leicester Square. Goodbye, WJM-TV, farewell Mary, Murray and Lou. It's a long, long way to Minneapolis, but my heart's right there.

If there's a connecting element among the finales mentioned above, it's that so many of them weren't afraid to be sad. The writers and producers realized that they didn't have to go for the so-called Hollywood ending, that viewers weren't children who needed everything wrapped up in a happily-ever-after box with a bow. Maybe, in this post-Sept. 11 world, they think we can only stomach comfort food in our TV programs. Or maybe writers just trusted us more then. I wish they did now.

Have a favorite finale? Send it in.

• May 6, 2004 | 6:00 p.m. ET

Farewell, ‘Friends’

I'm not expecting any surprises from tonight's "Friends" finale. I don't think the Central Perk Six will end up in jail, as in the "Seinfeld" finale. If I was a betting woman, I'd lay odds that Monica and Chandler will have a healthy baby (or two...there's a rumor that Erica is pregnant with twins!) and Ross and Rachel will end up happily ever after. (I hope that Phoebe and Joey, two of my favorite characters, won't get forgotten, but who knows?)

It's coming on now. Let's blog.

9:00: They should really play all the verses of the theme song for this last one. I always like the line that goes "you're still in bed at 10, but work began at eight." Heh. Been there.

9:04: Sheesh, how many commercials are they going to pack in here? Also, this "Frasier" finale preview gives away the whole thing. Now I don't have to watch the show next week.

9:05: Yep, you've got to figure they'll get the baby birth out of the way right away so Ross and Rachel can chase each other right up to the final minute. I kinda don't blame Chandler, why IS he alone in the delivery room with this almost-stranger? Where's her family? I understand she's giving them the baby, but surely she has someone, somewhere?

9:07: Heh, Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. Homage to two of my favorite characters.

9:08: What is Phoebe wearing? Is she Mozart, or is that a pink ruffled tuxedo shirt? Also, should she and Joey really be shocked that Ross and Rachel keep getting back together at this point? It happens every half-hour.

9:11: An amazingly quick labor and delivery by TV standards! Our space editor Alan is convinced the baby is animatronic. He called him "Robo Baby." Maybe that was considered better than smearing a real baby with red Jello for the delivery scene.

9:12: Twins. The Internet rumor of the week is confirmed! MONICA: "We only ordered one!"

9:17: Speaking of babies, Courteney Cox Arquette looks really pregnant. Good thing the show ended -- they weren't going to be able to hide her real-life pregnancy anymore.

9:18: OK, how would the doctor know the second baby was a girl when she hasn't even -- never mind, don't tell me.

9:21: Oh great, an ad for Brad Pitt's new movie during his wife's finale. What kind of accent is he affecting there? He obviously did not go to the Meryl Streep School of Acting Accents, choosing instead the cheaper and shorter course of study over at Leonardo DiCaprio's place. But all is forgiven when the Harry Potter movie ad comes on, reminding us all that yes, there is an entertainment phenomenon that is bigger than "Friends."

9:25: MONICA: "We're going to name the girl Erica." ERICA: "That's just like my name!" Ah Erica, the female Joey.

9:26: Shouldn't Monica's parents be here? Or Chandler's dad, as played by Kathleen Turner? I think too much, don't I?

9:27: Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? Yeah, including Mikhail Baryshnikov, as dumped on another recent Finale of the Century.

9:27: Oh no way. NO WAY. They do NOT let these random people who aren't even related by blood to walk out with two babies who are maybe an hour old.

9:28: Yep, Erica, the female Joey.

9:29: Best line of the night so far goes to Phoebe: "We can be like the Von Trapp family! Except without the Nazis! Oh, that'd be dull." Nothing with Phoebe would be dull. I'm seriously thinking this should have been The Phoebe Show instead of the Ross Pines For Rachel Show.

9:31: For someone who couldn't wait to get a baby, Monica sure seemed eager to deposit it in the crib.

9:35: And...here's Joey's plotline. The Hunt For Chick and Duck. Don't feel bad for him for getting a slim plotline here, he's got a whole show of his own starting next fall.

9:37: I'm having trouble believing Monica would just wander over into a different apartment, baby monitor in hand or no, leaving her long-awaited progeny alone. Although it's kind of like this show -- have the babies, immediately forget about them. Seen Emma or Ben lately?

9:38: PHOEBE TO ROSS: "Ever chased anyone through an airport before?" Doesn't someone on this show do that weekly? At least they addressed the post 9-11 trauma that is an American airport, by realizing Ross needs a ticket to get through to the gates.

9:42: Now this I believe. Ross and Monica caught up in their own worlds, she thinking everyone wants to hear the babies coo and he only concerned with what he needs. Ah, and the "New York has MORE THAN ONE airport? WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?" gag. I seem to remember this from the "Seinfeld" where George had to pick up Jerry, or vice-versa.

9:47: Why do they need to smash the foosball table? Can't they just unscrew parts of it? It's not like the duck and chick are going to suffocate, are they? Joey might not have thought of that, but you'd think Chandler would have.

9:49: "This plane doesn't even have a filangee!" Got to give them credit for this. The writers found a creative, funny way to get Rachel off of the plane she needed to get off of, and they even used an old Phoebe joke to get there. Nice job, writers.

9:52: Hey, Chandler just remembered that he has two babies in the other room! So far he's spent ten times more time with the chick and duck than with Baby Erica and Jack. But give Matt LeBlanc credit, he played this scene just right. Joey's emotions just kind of flickered across his face, and he hid them immediately.

9:53: Did Phoebe and Ross have to buy new tickets? Or is Newark more lax with the getting to the gates thing? Also, Ross' speech here had better be a real gem, because I've seen this scene in about a million other shows.

9:54: Is she going? Is she staying? Going? Staying? Gee, what do YOU think?

9:56: MONICA: "This is weird." No, it's weirder that by "this is weird" you mean moving, not the fact that you suddenly have two babies in your apartment. I'm kinda harping on the baby thing, huh?

9:58: OK, Ross, yelling at the answering machine. Kinda funny. And...there we go. There's the scene everyone waited two hours for. Right there.

9:59: "We're done being stupid. Unless we're on a break." Nice! Nice homage to one of the best "Friends" episodes ever.

10:00: And...who gets the apartment? Me! Me, I'll take that huge, rent-controlled two-bedroom Manhattan apartment. Uh, I guess not.

10:03 (hey, this is running long): "Do you have some time?" Why, I wonder where they'll go! Maybe out for some tea, or a Jamba Juice, or -- coffeeshop, of course. I don't mind. That's kind of a nice way to wrap up "Friends" and put them on a shelf. Not a "M*A*S*H" or "Mary Tyler Moore" level finale, but very nice just the same. They'll still be there for you, but this time it'll be in reruns.

• May 4, 2004 | 9:15 a.m. PT

Good grief!

I have a friend who will be celebrating a milestone birthday in a few months, and another friend who will be welcoming a long-awaited first child this fall. I never thought I'd be thinking of getting them the same gift, but I am. Both of them would love to receive the first volume of "The Complete Peanuts," published today by Seattle's Fantagraphics Books ($28.95).

Fantagraphics Books

A new volume will be published every six months for 12 1/2 years so clear a space on your shelves now and keep it ready through 2017. Each volume will contain two years of strips. This first book, then, covers 1950-1952, when Charlie Brown, a non-talking Snoopy, Shermy and Patty (non-Peppermint) were the main characters.

The first book is exquisitely designed by the artist Seth, who draws the heart-rending Palookaville and the graphic novel "It's a Good Life If You Don't Weaken." The end papers feature delicate Schulz drawings minus the characters, making a world without them seem empty and quiet. The book also features an introduction by Garrison Keillor, a Minnesotan like Schulz and yours truly, but the highlight is a lengthy 1987 interview with Schulz himself. In it he explains why he thought the little red-haired girl should never have been shown on television, how little bird Woodstock changed gender, and how his own children's security blankets inspired the world's most famous one.

It's fun to chronicle some of the differences between the Peanuts universe then and now. Their heads were even bigger then, if that's possible, and Snoopy actually did doggy things like chase cars and bark. The kids are just four, according to an early panel (Charlie Brown: "Only four years old and already I need glasses!"), but they have no problem understanding concepts such as sympathy, football strategies and the importance of Abraham Lincoln.

Reading through this first volume is like looking at a family photo album taken years before you came along, getting to see familiar faces in unfamiliar settings. Classical music-loving Schroeder is introduced as a sleeper-clad baby. Give him a month or so, and he's already sitting at the piano composing, and calling radio stations to request Beethoven.

Violet looks eerily like Lucy, until Lucy herself is introduced  as a crib-bound infant with freakishly large eyes. In her first appearance, she intentionally throws her teddy bear out of her crib, then calls for her daddy to pick it up -- signs of the crabby fussbudget to come? Once Lucy becomes established, Patty, Violet and Shermy start to slip out of the spotlight and Lucy's baby brother Linus makes his debut.

By the end of volume one, both Schulz's drawing style and his humor have matured, and those who only know "Peanuts" from its later years will finally recognize things. A typical strip near the book's end features Charlie Brown frantically running around trying to get ready for a party at Violet's. When he finally phones to tell her he'll be late, she says "Oh, aren't you here yet, Charlie Brown? We hadn't noticed."

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