Being a good sports parent 

Family time matters
But parents who go to great lengths to help their kids get a sports scholarship or pro contract may be sacrificing valuable family time, experts say.

"They're living in minivans [driving to and from practice and games] and they don’t spend time together as a family, and that is every bit as important as kids having long practices," says Dr. Charles Yesalis, a Penn State professor of health and human development. "Kids doing sports activities three to five hours a day for five days a week is almost child abuse."

But the kids may not speak up for themselves, according to Yesalis. "When you talk to kids away from their parents, they feign injuries because they're burned out," he says. "They don’t want parents to know because of their financial and time commitment."

'Kids doing sports activities three to five hours a day for five days a week is almost child abuse.' — Dr. Charles Yesalis Penn State

Although brawling, abusive parents aren't the norm, at least 15 states have adopted statutes making it a crime to assault sports officials. Community leagues require parents to sign codes of conduct, in addition to developing education programs and forums for parents to address the issues of "sideline rage" and pushing kids too hard.

"Codes and programs are fine, but they’re not going to get the job done," says Frank Smoll, a University of Washington psychology professor and co-author of "Sports and Your Child: A 50 Minute Guide for Parents."

"The parents who show up to education programs aren’t the ones who need the training," he says.

Was it fun?
So how does a mom or dad avoid becoming a crazed, overbearing sports parent with a stressed-out, unhappy child? Here's some advice:

• Reward your child whether the team wins or loses.
• If you have a complaint or concern, don't raise it in the middle of a game.
• Applaud when either team makes a good play.
• Praise effort.
• Respect the referee’s calls.
• Talk to your neighbor during games (don't get too caught up in scores or statistics).
• Ask your child, ‘Was it fun?’ before ‘Did you win?’

Heinzmann acknowledges that it's stressful to see your own child play, especially when you see what you might think is an unfair call. But parents should remember how children see sports.

"Its just a blip in the lives of these kids," says Heinzmann. "What's more important is playing on the field under the lights and getting the chance to run the base and meet new friends."

And whatever you do, he emphasizes, in the ride home after the game "don't say how [the child] could have done better."

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