In reality, some stage parents are very scary

Richard Heene was more than the alleged perpetuator of a hoax when he paraded his son Falcon on television after claiming the boy had floated off in a helium balloon. By pushing his child into the national spotlight, allegedly to benefit himself, the former reality television contestant joins a long line of “stage parents” so prevalent in the media lately.

The resulting “performance” by Falcon couldn’t have gone more wrong. The 6-year-old apparently gave away his dad’s scheme on “Larry King Live” by insinuating the family arranged the crisis “for a show.” Falcon also threw up while being   interviewed on the TODAY show. After that, both Heene parents came under fire when it was discovered that dad had orchestrated a profane rap video featuring all three of his kids.

Much has been made over the years of parents such as Joe Jackson and Dina Lohan, who seem to treat their offspring more like cash cows than people. But reality shows have made the machinations of such parents more obvious. Years ago, children with showbiz inclinations might be pushed too hard by eager parents, but in the reality show realm, children might not want to be in front of cameras at all, said Dr. Jenn Berman, a Beverly Hills psychologist who specializes in parent-child issues.

“It’s one thing to have a child who has an innate talent and to try to help that talent blossom, but it’s a whole other thing to use your child to try to make your family famous,” Berman said. “I think that a parent who would use their child to try to get fame and attention is a very disturbed parent.”

The exploitation of children on reality shows has also come under fire since Nadya Suleman, labeled the “Octomom” in the tabloid press, decided to put her children on a reality show in July. The televised implosion of Jon and Kate Gosselin’s marriage also threw into question what effect that would have on their children, who spent the last several years before the cameras as part of the show “Jon & Kate Plus 8.”

Video   Should children remain in Heene home? Oct. 19: Msnbc.com's Courtney Hazlett and Msnbc legal analyst Dan Abrams discuss the fallout from the balloon hoax, and whether the Heene children are at risk if they remain in the home. Dr. Nancy

“It’s the human equivalent of (the animal documentary show) ‘Meerkat Manor,’” said Paul Petersen, a former child actor who provides support to former child stars through his non-profit organization A Minor Consideration. “And it’s terribly sad, because you see within the reality show community these people so pumped up on their self-importance.

“There is a sociopathic trend in the business” when it comes to the treatment of children, Petersen said. “They’re not really people — they’re objects.”

But long before reality TV, stage parents were a problem within the entertainment industry. Petersen thinks only a small percentage of parents with children in the entertainment field qualify as stage parents, but those who court the spotlight seem more like the norm than the exception.

“They’re in-your-face parents,” Petersen said. “Yet 95 percent of parents (with children in show business) are just like the general population — they kind of fumble their way through the correct decisions and they do what is right for their kids. Those are the parents who do not rely on the child’s income and who have no emotional investment in childhood success.”

Good vs. bad parents
Stage parents, Berman believes, are people who want to stay “overinvolved in their child’s life” and “often times lose their own identity in their child’s identity and success,” which, she thinks can have a lot of long term negative effects on the kids.

Those negative effects aren’t necessarily caused by specific incidents, like Heene putting his child into the national spotlight. But problems can develop when inept parenting becomes a pattern in a child’s life, notes Berman, who addresses this issue in her book, “The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy Confident Kids.”

“The bigger picture is when a parent does something like this it shows a lack of sensitivity to their children and a lack of understanding of child development,” Berman said. “Generally, with the exception of blatant abuse, children tend to be harmed more by ongoing parenting choices than one specific incident.”

Slideshow   Jon and Kate Gosselin The reality TV tale about raising eight children turns into a tabloid nightmare for the couple from Pennsylvania. more photos

That harm can manifest itself in the form of depression, resentment and anxiety. “When a child is being depended on to create a sense of success and self-esteem for a parent, it is way too much pressure,” Berman said. “And it can lead to all kinds of things like alcoholism, substance abuse and eating disorders.”

Berman also cites Teri Shields, the mother of Brooke Shields, as a classic stage mother, as well as the aforementioned Dina Lohan.

“(Lohan) is someone who appears to be overly involved in her child’s career and was so busy trying to create a brand that she overlooked her child’s well being,” Berman said.

Who are the good parents of young entertainers? Petersen cites “the ones you never hear about.” He singles out Ron Howard’s mother and father as good examples, since they insisted their son attend college and kept a home away from Hollywood (perhaps because both Jean and Rance Howard were actors themselves and knew the pitfalls of stardom).

The better parents of child actors, Petersen believes, encourage their children to break away from the industry at 18 and attend college. He cites “Harry Potter” star Emma Watson’s decision to attend Brown University as a good one.

“If Billy Ray Cyrus would listen to me, that’s exactly what I’d be telling him about Miley,” Petersen said. “The smartest thing a successful young performer can do the minute they get their high school education finished is get out of town. It’s a biological imperative — we’re supposed to leave the nest.”

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