Conservative ‘Dancing’ takes radical risk

The new and expanded “Dancing With the Stars” cast has been announced (16 people!), and while it's largely the usual combination of the D-listed, the no-longer-listed, and the never-were-listed, you have to admit: they're going in one significant new direction.

Tom DeLay — yes, former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay — is in the cast. Getting that heavily into controversial political figures seems like an unusually risky maneuver for this very (culturally, not politically) conservative show. DeLay will have both rabid fans and rabid detractors, which could be good for ratings, but bad for the breezy, winking sense of lighthearted fun people are used to when they tune in. You have to give the show credit, however, for allowing us all to speculate about whether Tom DeLay is the new John Ratzenberger, because we weren't on track, until now, to ever see that happen.

Several contestants are retreads — new versions of past participants, hoping against hope to capture the old magic. As has been rumored and muttered about for ages, Donny Osmond is following in the occasionally unconscious footsteps of his sister Marie. Expect plenty of "sibling rivalry, har har" jokes, in which it is implied that being 50 years old and covered with sequins isn't adequate reason for a complex without dragging your family dynamics into it.

The “long-ago supermodel” category previously occupied by Paulina Porizkova and Rachel Hunter will be occupied by one-time supermodel Kathy Ireland, whose heyday was in the mid-1980s. Expect her to talk a lot about how she believes all women are beautiful, how proud she is to represent moms, and how sad she is about going out in … let's say, 10th place.

The “more recently minted model” flag will be carried by Joanna Krupa, a swimsuit model whose heyday was only a few years ago, and who you may have recently seen getting very angry at Terrell Owens while partnered with him on ABC's unsuccessful summer reboot of “The Superstars.” ABC undoubtedly saw Krupa's fiery temper with T.O. and concluded that she would make a great “Dancing” partner, so expect to see her as the fiery fighter. If she's lucky, these flashes of personality will help her do better than all the leggy and beautiful cannon fodder of past seasons. (We're so sorry, Josie Maran.)

Women singers are well represented with Mya of “Lady Marmalade” fame, Macy Gray and Kelly Osbourne all on the list. Osbourne, of course, has been down the reality-television road before, so she presumably knows how to behave in a highly attention-seeking manner during rehearsals.

As for actresses, Debi Mazar has done just about everything else in her career (from “Goodfellas” and “Jungle Fever” to “Entourage” and “Burn Notice”), so it kind of makes sense that she'd get to this eventually, even if she were just drawing projects from a hat. If her no-nonsense screen persona is anything to go by — and it undoubtedly isn't — she could be the first contestant to punch her partner in the face during the foxtrot.

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There is also Melissa Joan Hart, best known as Sabrina The Teenage Witch, who has been kicking around in TV movies lately. (Trivia alert: She has appeared with two one-time “Dancing” rivals: she was in “My Fake Fiance” with Joey “Whoa” Lawrence and “Holiday In Handcuffs” with Mario Lopez.) Hart is a slightly older and more established variation on the Disney Channel personality slot they've filled a few times, and she still has fans, so she should be safe for a while.

Every season needs someone at least tangentially related to boy bands, it seems, and this season's is Aaron Carter, who is the brother of Nick Carter, who's one of the Backstreet Boys. If you don't know him as a singer, you might know Carter as a gossip staple and former boyfriend of both Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan. The boy-band types have often done well, but it's not clear whether being a Backstreet-Boy-in-law is adequate to activate those powers.

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There are four athletes in the group this time around: Natalie Coughlin is a much-medaled Olympic swimmer; Michael Irvin is a high-profile former NFL star, Chuck Liddell is a UFC fighter (specifically “The Iceman”), and Louie Vito is a pro snowboarder.

It would seem that the overlap between the fan bases of “Dancing With the Stars” and either UFC fights or professional snowboarding is relatively small, meaning that for those two guys, much depends on their individual personalities. Irvin, on the other hand, will stick around — you can conclude nothing else from the NFL's “Dancing” track record. Coughlin is the trickiest pick: a female athlete could be Misty May-Treanor (who was on her way to a strong showing when she was injured) or Kristi Yamaguchi (who won), or she could be Monica Seles, who should have stuck to tennis.

But the best part of any cast, of course, is the people who are best described as “miscellaneous.”

Ashley Hamilton is not a star, under any definition whatsoever. He is, however, the son of former “Dancing” darling George Hamilton and the ex-husband of Shannen Doherty — though their wedding was in 1993, meaning that it is no longer something that belongs on your “I am famous, no really!” curriculum vitae. There is no reason why anyone would be interested in Ashley Hamilton — but, of course, the big nobody of last season was Gilles Marini, and we know how that turned out.

Last but not least: Mark Dacascos, a martial artist you may have seen as the Chairman on the disappointing U.S. version of “Iron Chef.” Before he was an unsatisfactory substitute for Chairman Kaga of the Japanese original (who made biting a pepper into an art form), Dacascos was a karate champion. (In that incarnation, he could also be classified with the athletes.) If there's anyone who has a background that would seem conducive to dancing, it's this guy. Body control, balance, sheer athleticism — he should have an advantage, which may or may not be outweighed by the fact that he probably has the lowest name recognition of anyone in the cast who isn't a professional snowboarder.

Who looks like a potential long-termer? Irvin, Dacascos, Donny Osmond, maybe Kelly Osbourne, depending on whether she can inspire a sort of underdog following as a result of her offbeat personality. And there's no way anyone can predict what might happen with Tom DeLay, now officially the most surprising person to ever show up on “Dancing With the Stars.”

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