Putting out fires without planning for future

updated 6:19 p.m. ET June 11, 2009

DES MOINES, Iowa - Imagine reaching retirement age and preparing to leave your job for good only to find your spouse expected to work a few years longer to support the lifestyle you've both become accustomed to.

It sounds absurd that such a big issue wasn't discussed, but a new survey may indicate that scenario isn't that far of a stretch.

Couples aren't always in agreement about retirement issues and a surprising number don't even talk about finances, the national survey for Fidelity Investments says. Even the basics like when they plan to retire and how much money they need to save just don't enter into conversation.

In the "Do as I say, not as I do" department, nearly 60 percent of married couples say that newlyweds should make daily finance decisions together, but less than half say they actually do so themselves.

The survey, conducted in April, included 502 married couples between the ages of 45 and 72. The statistical margin of error was plus or minus 4 percent. It was a followup to a study done two years ago to see if couples were now reacting differently as the result of the market downturn.

Instead of driving couples to talk more about retirement and finances, the economy seems to have had the opposite effect, said Kathleen Murphy, president of personal investing at Fidelity.

"We were at first surprised at the results which showed no improvement really," she said, noting that in some cases it looks as though communication may be getting worse.

For example, this year's survey shows 82 percent of couples said they don't agree on retirement basics including when they'll retire or whether they'll keep working in retirement. That figure was 79 percent two years ago.

The fact that many couples lack a plan and fail to dig into financial detail is no surprise to Nicholas Yrizarry, a financial adviser in Herndon, Va. For many people, the economy has forced them to focus on putting out fires, dealing with budgets, worrying about interest rates, credit card debt, an over mortgaged home and job insecurity. "You'd think it should raise some eyebrows and they would say we'd better start thinking about this, but actually they just shelve it even further, defer the inevitable," he said.

This year's survey shows that 45 percent of couples make decisions jointly regarding day-to-day household financial decisions such as budgeting and bill payment. Even fewer — 38 percent — discuss how they should invest for retirement.

Perhaps one of the most surprising results from the survey is that just 15 percent of couples feel confident that either one of them could alone assume responsibility for their joint finances if necessary.

That's an indication that one person in the household handles most of the finances and the other just doesn't care about the numbers, said Dean Barber, president of Barber Financial Group in Lenexa, Kan.

"Typically what we find is you've got one spouse that's adamant about it and one spouse could really care less," he said. "It makes it very difficult and puts a lot of stress on a marriage." He frequently feels more like a marriage counselor than a financial adviser, coaching couples on how to open up and talk about finances in a way both can understand.

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