Why, Axl, why? Hot-to-not musicians

Axl Rose

Timothy A. Clary / AFP

No one expects rocks stars to maintain their twenty-something good looks decades past their prime. Hey, they can’t all be David Bowie. But they can still be hot. After all, hot is in the image, the stage presence. It’s even in the not-so-gracefully aging face. In other words, it’s not Axl Rose. Somewhere between his Guns N’ Roses heyday and his Guns N’ Roses-in-name-only do-over, Rose left all remnants of his sexy self behind. One day he simply swapped his trademark skin-tight leather pants and long blond locks for spandex bike shorts and yarn-embellished cornrows. The once-appealing Rose even traded in his old face, or so it would seem given his now suspiciously fuller cheekbones, plumper lips and permanently surprised eyebrows.

Leif Garrett

Lucas Jackson / Reuters file

Back in the 70s, singer, sometimes-actor and perpetual Tiger Beat cover boy Leif Garrett was the epitome of hot. His pouty lips, fluffy hair and sleepy eyes were the stuff on teenage girls’ dreams. Unfortunately, years later, those former teens and anyone else who fondly remembered Garrett’s fine face were in for a rude awakening. The first hints of the heartthrob’s decline came in 1999, when VH1 aired Garrett’s “Behind the Music” story. Though the haggard-but-still-recognizable man told the camera his drug-riddled days were behind him, his subsequent arrests for cocaine and heroin said otherwise. By then, so did his face. Nothing quite says, “Hey, kids! Drugs aren’t cool,” like a quick gander at Garrett’s before and way after.

Simon Le Bon

Daniel Deme / EPA

At the peak of Duran Duran’s success, Simon Le Bon was the ultimate fan-girl fantasy. He had it all: an easy on the eyes mug, a front and center spot in best music videos of the day, and a habit of wearing the finest Antony Price silk suits money could buy. It was a 1980s kind of hot, and evidently, it came with a shelf life. Want proof? Just take a peek at the frontman’s current look. Le Bon’s fuller figure and an unfortunate tendency to pack too much man into too little Speedo certainly wouldn’t inspire today’s teenage girls to scribble “Mrs. (first name) Le Bon” all over their notebooks.

Bret Michaels

Gus Ruelas / AP

In the era of the hair band, when plenty of not-so-hot guys passed for heartthrobs thanks to their mesmerizing manes, Poison’s Bret Michaels stood out as one of the best looking of the bunch. Now? He looks like someone trying desperately to look like Bret Michaels circa 1988. And frankly, he’s not very good at it. Sure, scads of drunken party girls from “Rock of Love” would likely argue that point, but those not vying for a doomed reality TV relationship with the rocker know better. The always bandana-clad man shows the toll of his rock and roll lifestyle all over his allegedly nipped and tucked (and quite possibly Botoxed) face.

Davy Jones

AP

He wasn’t the most talented member of the Monkees (see Mike Nesmith) or even the best singer (see Mickey Dolenz), but Davy Jones was the face of the band. As made-for-TV entertainers go, Jones’ sexy and cute combo carried a lot of weight. It’s not like he wowed the crowd with his tambourine work, after all. But that Davy Jones doesn’t exist any more. Sure, Jones is still alive and well and touring for fans seeking a retro fix, but the words “sexy,” “cute” or even “sort-of-OK” no longer apply. “Overly tanned,” “out of shape” and “oddly buxom,” on the other hand, suit today’s Jones just fine.

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