For working moms, prioritizing time is crucial

6. Make sure you’re not slipping at work. Especially in this economy, you’ve got to keep your game face on. This applies no matter how many times you had to get up in the middle of the night the previous evening to tend to an inexplicably crying kid. In rare cases — cases that involve an unusually empathetic boss — you can talk to your employer about what’s upending your personal life and making you so bleary-eyed. In general, though, it’s typically best to keep that sort of soul-baring to a minimum and throw your shoulder into the work at hand. Otherwise, you may get branded the wrong way in the workplace and your advancement could suffer for it.

What are you supposed to do, though, if you’re feeling a nervous breakdown coming on? Here are some ideas:

• Take a personal day every few months. That’s the whole point of personal days: to meet your personal needs. While the kids are at school and you don’t have to pay for a babysitter, spend an entire day in bed if necessary.
• Use break times and lunch breaks to play catch-up. Be extremely careful about handling personal business — making pediatrician appointments, checking the school district’s calendar online and so forth — during your regular work hours. Your activities may be monitored. Take on such tasks only during designated break times.
• Find allies where you can. Fellow moms at work may understand what you’re going through and prove to be excellent confidantes. If you have genuinely trustworthy friends at work, vent to them about your travails — not to your boss.

7. Devise a system for tackling housework. Every household is different, and every mom you meet will have different standards and sentiments about how to handle the never-ending obligation of keeping a home clean. Here are some overarching ideas that may be helpful, however:

• Make sure your kids are pitching in. Sometimes — or, heck, much of the time — it may seem easier to do everything yourself so it will be done the way you want. But it’s good for your kids to have a share in keeping the house clean and neat. It will teach them the importance of teamwork and give them survival skills and beneficial habits that will last a lifetime. Even children as young as 3 and 4 can pick up their toys, put garbage in the trash can, water plants and help feed pets. To eyeball a chore-readiness chart and see what kids typically can handle at different ages, click here.
• Divvy up tasks with your partner. If you’re both working, you’re both tired — and it’s only fair that you should both share the work that needs to be done around the house. Play to each other’s strengths when deciding who will be responsible for what.
• If you can possibly afford it, do some outsourcing. Even if you can only spring for cleaning help once a month, it’s better than nothing — especially considering how exhausted you probably are. Farming out some duties to reasonably priced hired help can prove to be both a sanity saver and a marriage saver.
• If your child-care provider comes to your home, make sure that person is willing to do at least some light cleaning. Your home — or at least your main living areas — should feel neat and organized when you walk in the door.
• Don’t be a perfectionist anymore. Maybe your home was always immaculate before you had kids. That was the past. Let it go. You can allow spotlessness and perfection to reign once again after your kids have left for college.

8. Carve out time for romance. Make arrangements for a date night, put that night on your calendar — and don’t break the date! No matter how tired you are! Plan the night several weeks out if necessary so you’ll have plenty of time to make babysitting arrangements. Also, anticipating the upcoming night out will be half the fun. Have the babysitter stay until the kiddos have definitely gone to bed so the two of you will have an entire evening together, just the two of you. Another idea: Once or twice a year, coordinate personal days or vacation days where the two of you stay home together while the kids head off to school.

9. Maintain at least some semblance of a social life. Much like those scheduled date nights with your partner, you can make specific plans with your close friends and add those details to your calendar as well. If at all possible, arrange to have Dad watch the kids so you can really and truly get caught up with girlfriends who matter to you. Or, if necessary, become more laid back about hauling the Pack n’ Play over to a friend’s house and letting junior sleep in an unfamiliar room for an hour or two or three so you can get some adult time on a weekend evening. Yes, this can be semi-inconvenient, and this approach won’t work for every kid — but it can be worth it to give yourself some down time to talk, laugh and preserve important friendships.

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10. Remember what matters most. Mother Teresa said it’s not how much you do, but how much love you put into the doing that matters. Ticking items off of your massive to-do list with great efficiency may feel fabulous — but always stay focused on the big picture. Why is it that you’re trying so hard to be so organized and knock so many items off your list, anyway? It’s so you can maximize the time you’re able to spend with your little ones — while they’re still little and they still crave your time and attention. Time that you actually get to spend playing, talking, reading, snuggling, walking and laughing with your kids trumps any errand, e-mail message or chore in importance. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and your son or daughter wants to talk, just take a deep breath, settle down and start listening. That pile of laundry can wait.

Sources and resources:

• “Working Mom’s 411: How to Manage Kids, Career & Home,” by Michelle LaRowe (Regal, $14.99)
• “Chicken Soup for the Working Mom’s Soul,” by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen and Patty Aubery (Health Communications Inc., $14.95)
• Journalist and working mom Heath Foster
• Reporter, food writer, blogger and working mom Rebekah Denn

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