Ryan O’Neal: I love Farrah more than ever now

With Farrah Fawcett drained physically and mentally from a long battle with cancer that may be nearing its tragic end, the love of her life, actor Ryan O’Neal, said that his feelings for her have only deepened. “In the last two years, I loved her more than I’ve ever loved her — ever,” he said in an exclusive interview with Meredith Vieira airing on TODAY Wednesday and Thursday.

The 69-year-old actor also believes that her brave struggle will inspire their troubled son, Redmond, to turn his life around. He shared dramatic details of how Redmond had to face the indignity of making a bedside visit to his mother in prison shackles. “Don’t rattle your chains,” he said before Redmond made his April 25, court-supervised visit to the bedside of his mother, who was mercifully unaware that he had been arrested again.

With Redmond given the brief leave from his jail cell after a third drug arrest in as many years, O’Neal told Vieira the moving words of advice he gave his son. “I don’t think his mother will be here when he gets out,” O’Neal told Vieira. “So I said to him, ‘Live your life as a tribute to your mother.’ ”

The dramatic story of Farrah Fawcett, 1970s pin-up icon turned honored actress, is a focal point on NBC this week – in addition to the O’Neal interview on TODAY, the network airs “Farrah’s Story,” a video diary of Fawcett’s journey through treatments she’s undertaken to battle her cancer, on Friday at 9 p.m. ET.

Visit in chains
No less dramatic is the story of 25-year-old Redmond, whose life has spiraled downward since his mother was first diagnosed with cancer in October 2006. He was arrested in 2007 for heroin and methamphetamine possession and driving under the influence. While still on probation, Redmond was arrested, along with his father, for methamphetamine possession during a probation check at his home in 2008. And on April 5 of this year, he was arrested again for possession of a controlled substance.

“He’s in jail so much,” O’Neal told Vieira blankly during their interview. “Poor jerk — that’s almost ridiculous. He can’t make heads or tails of who he is or what he’s doing here. And heroin helped him — yes, it’s a horrible thing — not to think about it. And he couldn’t shake it, just couldn’t shake it. And so, it’s going to get shaken for him. He has a long ride ahead of him before they’ll set him free.”

While Redmond O’Neal recently avoided a long prison stint by being admitted into a court-mandated drug program that could see his slate wiped clean if he successfully completes it, O’Neal told Vieira he hopes the image of visiting his dying mother while wrapped in chains will stick with him forever.

Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images “In the last two years, I loved her more than I’ve ever loved her – ever,” Ryan O' Neal said of his longtime friend and lover Farrah Fawcett, shown here together in 2004.

While a judge allowed Redmond to leave jail to see Fawcett, O’Neal said he was forced to be in leg restraints, “Just like he was John Dillinger — little Redmond Dillinger. And then they unfastened him and let him go back and see his mother, who was in bed.”

In describing the emotional reunion between Farrah and Redmond, O’Neal told Vieiera how much the visit meant to mother and son alike. 

“A sheriff stood at the door the whole time and watched — I don’t know what they thought he’d do. He just wanted to see her, wanted to hold her, wanted to apologize,” O’Neal said.

“He’s so full of shame for his mistakes — she forgives him.”

When Fawcett lost her famous cascade of blonde curls to her cancer, Redmond likewise shaved his head in a show of solidarity with his mother. O’Neal recalled as Fawcett held Redmond, “I didn’t know which was which … it’s getting sad now.”

Dashed hopes
There had been times when the whole family believed Farrah’s fight for survival was going to produce a happy ending. Just four months after she was originally diagnosed with anal cancer, her doctors told her she was cancer-free. But the disease returned a few months later, spreading to her liver, and eventually, other parts of her body.

“Of all the things I've ever hoped for in my life, finding a doctor to surgically remove my anal cancer did not even make the top one million on my list,” Fawcett comments in “Farrah’s Story.” “But now it was number one — number one as in primary cancer, meaning it was the first in and, for that reason, it needed to be the first out. Because it was this peanut-sized tumor that had sent its army of mutant cells into my liver. And it would continue to send reinforcements into any organ into my body unless someone did something to stop it.”

A series of trips to Germany, where Farrah received alternative treatments to battle the disease, gave her cause for hope. But O’Neal told Vieira that he and Redmond finally realized how dire Fawcett’s condition was during a family outing late last year.

Fawcett had looked so well most of the time it easy to push the harsh realities of her condition to the back of their minds. “She was very athletic and healthy and hungry and beautiful,” O’Neal told Vieira. “Everything was just as you remember about her. The first time I ever noticed, I walked with her and Redmond on the beach one day.

Video   Web only: O’Neal: ‘I never put doubt in her mind’ May 13: Ryan O’Neal, long-time companion of actress Farrah Fawcett, tells TODAY’s Meredith Vieira about how Fawcett discovered she had cancer and why decided to document her journey. Today show

“We used to take that walk all the time to the rocks and back. And halfway there she stopped and said, `Can we go back?’ And Red and I looked at each other and we knew that … see, she could fool you because she always looked good. She looked really good. And he [Redmond] used to say to me, ‘She’ll be all right. Look at how nice she looks.’ ”

Courage and humor
While O’Neal and Fawcett have had an often-tumultuous relationship, with several splits and reunions since their relationship began in 1982, O’Neal says the manner that Fawcett has conducted herself in her final days has been, for him, a profile in courage.

“She’s so much more of a woman and powerful, courageous, fearless, all those adjectives,” he said. “I look at her with awe.”

And while O’Neal said Fawcett “is not afraid” of losing her cancer battle, she did ask him recently, “Am I going to make it?”

“I said, ‘Sure, you’ll make it,’ ” O’Neal told Vieira. “And if you don’t, I’ll go with you. And she said, ‘Then stop the Gleevec — the medicine that I take for my leukemia.’ So she made a joke: ‘Stop the Gleevec.’ ”

Whle O’Neal has largely confirmed that Fawcett’s battle with cancer is near its end and she has stopped treatment, the actress been unflinching in wanting her video diary to be aired. The footage, mostly shot by her close friend Alana Stewart, chronicles her quest for treatments to stem the cancer, including six visits to Germany.

Despite her high-profile public persona, O’Neal told Vieira Fawcett is actually a private person and that agreeing to have NBC air her video documentary “caused her pause.” Still, viewers will see a no-holds-barred look at what Fawcett has gone through — at her own demand.

“There were times when she got terribly ill and began to vomit, and Alana would turn the camera away,” O’Neal said. “She’d say, `Put it back on, put it on.’ I wouldn’t want to be filmed doing that; she didn’t care. She was possessed, you know. She’s been on film all her life I guess.

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“I had a chance to look at some of the images from the documentary and they’re extremely powerful, but they’re also very, very intimate. And when I think of Farrah, I think of somebody who’s obviously, always been in the public eye, but also somebody who, I think, always cherished her privacy.”

In a statement, Fawcett has said she hopes the documentary will help others who may find themselves in her shoes.

“As much as I would have liked to have kept my cancer private, I now realize that I have a certain responsibility to those who are fighting their own fights and may be able to benefit from learning about mine,” she said.

And in “Farrah’s Story,” she comments: “Cancer is a disease that is mysterious, headstrong and makes its own rules.  And mine, to this date, is incurable.  I know that everyone will die eventually, but I do not want to die of this disease.  I want to stay alive. So I say to God, because it is, after all, in his hands.  It is seriously time for a miracle.”

“It’s clear from watching the video that she is somebody who believes strongly in God. She has great faith,” O’Neal observed. “She’s the rock; she taught us all how to cope.

“I don’t know what I’ll do without her, to tell you the truth.”

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