Q&A: ‘She Is Still Missing to Us’

May 30 - They started lining up at Ground Zero before 8 a.m. Firemen in full gear, police officers in starched blue uniforms and hard hats, family members carrying framed photographs of the loved ones they lost.

MAYOR MICHAEL BLOOMBERG took his place alongside former mayor Rudolph Giuliani. When Thursday’s memorial service began at precisely 10:29 a.m.—the time of the second World Trade Center tower’s collapse on September 11—thousands were gathered along the rim of the seven-story hole in the ground, and dozens more lined windows and rooftops of nearby buildings. Anthony Bengivenga was among those on the street; he’d arrived an hour earlier to secure a spot in the roped-off area for family members and friends. The middle-aged owner of a metal-parts company in New Jersey, Bengivenga had lost his fiancée, Lydia Bravo. He is not alone—the fiancé support group he founded earlier this year now numbers about 40 members. Bravo, a registered nurse for Marsh & McLennan, had just returned to work after a vacation with Bengivenga when she was killed in the attacks. Her body was never found. NEWSWEEK’s Jennifer Barrett spoke with Bengivenga about the mixed emotions he felt knowing that the service, while providing some solace to survivors, also marked the end of the recovery efforts.

NEWSWEEK: What was the memorial service like for you and for Lydia Bravo’s family?

Anthony Bengivenga: It was beautiful because it was solemn and quiet. There were no politicians making speeches. They were respectful. There were so many people that it was hard to see the procession, though, unless you were tall, like me. Lydia’s daughter, Mia Gonzalez, couldn’t see it. But she said it was touching and powerful anyway. There were no complaints. There was a lot of sadness, but people—family members—were talking to each other. We were looking at each other’s pictures and asking each other “Who did you lose?” You could hear people crying as the bagpipes played. There was big applause to the officials when they went by. It was spontaneous. But the most applause went to the emergency personnel. Everyone was chanting “U.S.A.”

Why did you attend?

I wanted to be there because the site was being closed, but the one-year anniversary is more important to me. This ceremony was more or less honoring the emergency workers. I don’t think the closure is there for so many of us still. There are still only about 1,000 or so who have been identified. We understood that this [ceremony] was to honor the people who have been working at the site and thank them for doing such a great job.

What was it like for you personally to return to the site, knowing that the recovery efforts were now over?

There is no closure for us. They never identified her. It’s sad because the site is now closed. It is gone. It’s clean. And there’s no recovery. She is still missing to us, as far as we’re concerned. It means something when you are identified.

What would it mean for you if she was identified now?

I know that they are still going through the remains and making identifications by DNA. We’ve been told it could take a year; it’s happening month by month. If she was identified, it would probably close the case for me. But I’m torn because some say that when they identified the person they lost, they found some small piece—a jawbone or a finger bone. It’s not a normal situation. With the body, they have a coffin. But with a fragment, I wonder if it might be better that they don’t identify it. Though it would bring closure to the family, it would be very hard emotionally for all of us.

Was there anything that surprised you about the ceremony?

The level of security—they didn’t check any IDs or search any bags. There were so many checkpoints, but at each one they just let you by. It was packed. Almost anyone could have said “I’m with them” and gotten in. I guess it’s because you’re dealing with families and you want to be respectful, but it was very surprising to me. I don’t mind having security when there’s a purpose.

Do you think holding the service on a Thursday morning, and not during the weekend as some family members had requested, kept some away?

No matter what day you hold it, some people will complain. I think today was the day and a lot of people said that. A lot of people were there. You can’t please everybody, no matter what you do.

What would you like to see at the site?

There should be enough acreage for a simple memorial site with a sculpture made from the beams recovered from the site, and then a pond with Koi fish and a private area for the families where they can go without tourists, and another area open to tourists. The names of all the victims should be listed in bronze. There should be enough space set aside that that if they need to put commercial buildings on the site, they could keep it off to the side and separate and also have a park and a pond and some kind of sculpture.

Kenneth Feinberg, special master of the victim compensation fund, announced Wednesday that aid will be provided for most gay partners of September 11 victims. Have you heard anything more about compensation for fiancés?

The state of New Jersey [where Bengivenga lives] is supporting a possible bill to recognize fiancés in New Jersey. My support group feels that there should be some compensation—it’s the same as if you were married. We know we have the right to sue because of a state Supreme Court decision. But who do you sue? The terrorists? The countries harboring terrorists? We’re not clear about suing the airlines or the Port Authority, and things are changing day to day anyway. Now, the government is admitting it could have done more. We would just like to have some compensation.

© 2003 Newsweek, Inc.