Get your damn dirty hands off these franchises!

2. ‘Punisher’ (2004)/‘Punisher: War Zone’ (2008)
It almost seems as if filmmakers were playing a Bizarro World game of “can you top this?” with movies involving comic book vigilante Frank Castle. As in, “I don’t care how bad your ‘Punisher’ film was, I can do worse.”

How else do you explain these two absolutely abysmal movies based on a Marvel Comics character that, in theory, should be among the easiest to adapt from the page to the screen?

The 1989 movie with Dolph Lundgren and Louis Gossett Jr. gets a pass here, because it was made before the current Golden Age of comic book films, when expectations and quality control were minimal. And technically it wasn't a reboot. It was a first effort.

Frank Castle is a vigilante with a psychotic chip on his shoulder, and a big arsenal. No capes, no powers. Giddy-up. So why can’t Hollywood figure this guy out?

Instead, we get a guy who hunts criminals — and tries to avoid killing them — in Tampa of all places, in 2004’s “The Punisher.”

Last year’s “Punisher: War Zone” brought Castle back to New York where he belongs, but the film’s violence was so cartoonish, the body count almost became a punchline.

Then there are the villains. John Travolta, who took a quick payday to shoot close to his central Florida home, made his bad guy turns in “Swordfish” and “Face/Off” seem understated compared to his scenery chewing in the 2004 movie.

But even Travolta doesn’t hold a candle to Dominic West, who as Jigsaw in “War Zone,” took unintentional comedy to new heights.

There have now been more “Punisher” movies made in the past 20 years than there have been Superman films. “War Zone's” flat-line at the box office should be the final nail in the cinematic coffin of Frank Castle. Let’s consider it a mercy killing.

1. ‘Planet of the Apes’ (2001)
This was the easiest call to make. All you need to know about how bad this movie was, how universally unsatisfying an aftertaste it left on everyone’s mouth, is that it made $360 million-plus and STILL KILLED THE FRANCHISE. But why stop there? Mark Wahlberg seemed alternately angry and embarrassed to be starring in this soulless bludgeoning of cinematic history. Tim Burton has never made a film so lacking in character and flair.

And let's not even get started on the ridiculous ending.

Not only did the original “Apes” have a tremendous premise and one of the most memorable endings ever, it was an allegory of its time. When the end credits roll and you’re left to ponder what you just saw projected onscreen in relation to the real world around us, well hell, that’s good sci-fi.

This, this was not good sci-fi. Last time we mentioned some rules to follow for rebooting a franchise. Here’s another one — don’t reboot the already good franchises, period.

You want to remake the “Fantastic Four,” fine. Both films were lame.

Want to revamp “Daredevil?” Be my guest. Get better costume designers.

Reboot all the lousy properties you want. Leave the ones that got it right alone.

Rebooting — sorry, Reimagining — the Apes series was a waste of time because the series was good (with the first movie a certifiable classic). Let it be and focus instead on complete series Blu-ray set for all us “Ape Heads” out here.

Michael Avila is the producer for the nationally syndicated movie show Lyons & Bailes REEL TALK. Visit www.REELTALKtv.com to check your local listings.

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