Newbies impress on ‘Dancing’ premiere

Next up was Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, who predictably entered the intro segment on a Segway. He’s paired with Karina Smirnoff, who swears she can bring out the “sexy side” of anyone. (We’ll see.) Determined to prove that “nerds can dance,” Wozniak certainly proved that it’s endearing when nerds try to dance. He can’t actually dance at all, but he did commit to the clowning like many before him, and the judges gave him a 5 and two 4s.

David Alan Grier hammed it up in rehearsal from the word go, which is fortunately nothing new for resident doofus-wrangler Kym Johnson, who has managed Jerry Springer and Penn Jillette. David’s waltzing, like that of several others on the night, was respectable and competent but uninspiring, mostly noteworthy for its simplicity if you were expecting him to be ridiculous. Two 6s and a 7 seemed about right.

And then it was the natural combination of Denise Richards and Maksim Chmerkovskiy, both people who are fond of their own pectoral regions. Denise gave an un-rhythmic performance that looked like a performance mostly because of her feathered costume — if she’d been in a tank top and gym shorts, she’d have looked several weeks from being ready. Her straight 6s were generous.

And then: Melissa.

Casting Melissa was frankly brilliant. For ABC, it holds the timeslot audience, it gets even more out of an already-famous incident, and it provides a fill-in who — as a professional cheerleader — can roll with two days of rehearsal time. For Melissa, it’s a chance to have a public image that’s not about being ditched.

And how did she fare? Given that she started on Saturday, she was very good. She’s graceful, she can dance, and she looked … radiant, frankly; thrilled to be thinking about something else. Part of the reason her breakup was so explosive, after all, is that she’s very telegenic and appealing, and her two 8s and a 7 were an excellent showing for an emergency appearance. With her built-in fan base and actual ability, expect Melissa to stay quite a while.

There’s another week of performances before anyone goes home, but Wozniak and Ty Murray are bringing up the rear, ability-wise. If they want to stay, both had better buckle down this week.

Linda Holmes is a frequent contributor to msnbc.com

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