Is he lying? His body may tell the truth

And there’s a polar opposite to all of this toe-tapping, arm-folding, and leg-crossing activity: A stiff stance or equally rigid sitting position is a sign of intense discomfort with the situation, and himself, because of his lying. The rigidity can also be a function of his not wanting to display any suspicious signs at all. In fact, he performs the wooden soldier look to make himself appear sober and honest. But you’ll know better.

How to sound out a lie
While you’re looking at how he moves his hands, eyes, and even his nostrils, keep your own ears open. It’s not simply the words he’s uttering that matter, but just as important — in fact, probably more important — is the manner in which he’s delivering those words. His words are just that, words; but his manner of speaking when lying is what can tell you if the words are true or not.

For example, if his response to questions takes longer to form than usual, he’s probably using the extra time to fabricate a lie. A truthful response is almost automatically delivered without pause; a lie follows a noticeable pause, because he forms the lie rather than immediately stating the simple truth. Besides taking longer to answer when the answer is a lie, it will often be delivered in a higher-pitched voice. And this is true even if the liar is six foot three and a deep baritone. The very act of lying makes us nervous, and the tension can affect the vocal chords, stretching them more than usual, resulting in a higher-pitched voice.

Going from a baritone to a tenor isn’t the only difference in his delivery. Liars often garble their answers and not as a ploy to disorient or confound you. Lies confuse the liar’s own brain, so the first letters of consecutive words or entire words might be switched. Other speech errors occur, from leaving out words to mispronouncing simple words. The liar sounds flustered and nervous because that’s precisely what he is.

Also, because lying is such a difficult act for us to perform with any semblance of adroitness, the answers liars give are frequently in the form of abbreviated expressions, not the usual kind of fluid sentences we expect. Even if your partner happens to be the taciturn type, a man of few words, you should be able to discern a difference between his usual way of speaking and the short, one- or two-word responses that he’s now prone to give.

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The echo effect
Most liars share the interesting trait of answering a question using the identical words of the question. So if you ask him, “Were you at the bar again with those friends of yours?” he might respond, “No, I was not at the bar again with those friends of mine.” It’s simply easier for a liar to repeat a question verbatim rather than forming an honest response.

Another clue that you’re hearing a lie is the use of full words rather than the more conversational contraction. For example, rather than say “I wasn’t out to lunch for two and a half hours,” he’ll say, “I was not out to lunch for two and a half hours.” By forgoing the contraction he’s attempting to make the lie sound more truthful. Along the same line, liars attempt to enhance the believability of their lies by layering them with an overabundance of information, supplying far more details than are needed or that they normally use. Moreover, many liars speak in a monotone when lying in an effort to appear unemotional or calm. One way to confirm in your own mind that his tone is indeed flatter than usual (and therefore evidence of his lying) is to notice if the pronouns he uses — I, you, she, me, and so on — have more emphasis or not over the rest of the words in a sentence. Generally, pronouns are given more emphasis when we speak, so if they sound as flat as the rest of the sentence, he might be telling you flat-out lies about her.

A quick lie detector
To increase your arsenal of ways to sense if he’s lying or telling the truth, use this quick test: Let’s say during one of your more intense conversations in which you’re dead certain he’s giving you one lie after another, suddenly change to a completely benign, innocuous topic, and notice where he goes with it. If he’s been lying during this conversation, he’ll immediately feel less stressed, more relieved, and eager to pursue this far less-intimidating, troubling topic. But if he wasn’t lying, he’ll likely not want to change topics so readily. Just be prepared: Odds are, he’s going to be very happy to switch to topics that seem to get him off the hook (which will only prove just how much of a liar he really is).

Excerpted from “Warning Signs” by Anthony DeLorenzo and Dawn Ricci. Copyright (c) 2009. Reprinted with permission from The Globe Pequot Press.

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