Date three men at once to find ‘Love in 90 Days’

Dating three guys helps clarify what you want and need in a man, because you can easily and instantly compare and contrast. So, for example, when Friday rolls around and “Sean” is cheap and miserly, Saturday’s date with “Randy” will more clearly showcase his giving nature. When you come from abundance in the land of men, you can give yourself many possibilities rather than just one.

Program of Three dating is challenging, but it’s truly empowering. It allows you to be long-sighted and keep your eye on the prize: a lasting, fulfilling relationship that’s just right for you. It helps you end your Deadly Dating Patterns, frees you from the “three-date rule,” and keeps you protected from all the scenarios designed to break your heart. Of course, there are  obstacles to creating a Program of Three, but I’ve helped thousands of women do this already, and you can do it, too! Here are all the secrets to get you started on your own Program of Three.

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It’s not as hard as it seems. Drew, a forty-two-year-old single executive with weight issues, was the highest bidder at a charity auction where a mentoring session with me over lunch was the prize. Here’s what she e-mailed me about a year later:

I particularly thought the point of “dating three guys at once” was amusing at first, but then you know ... it worked. Even though at times I knew some guy wasn’t going to be the love of my life, it was still a diversion from getting involved with another guy too fast before I knew it was the right thing. I think this is the best advice ever and have passed it on to several of my friends. Last summer, I joined eHarmony and ended up meeting a really nice guy, although at first not necessarily what I thought I was looking for. We get along great, have tons in common, and it’s by far the most mature and healthy relationship I think I have ever been in. We got engaged this past October while on vacation in Florence. He proposed in front of the Fountain of Neptune in the Piazza della Signoria. We are planning a wedding for next June on Martha’s Vineyard.

Video   Finding ‘Love in 90 Days’ Jan. 30: Psychologist Diana Kirschner talks about her new book “Love in 90 Days,” and gives tips on how to find the right person for you. Today show

Get rid of stinking thinking
In order to work the program, you must cut back on the negative self-talk. I’m too fat, too old, too shy, I have too much cellulite — blah blah blah. Most women also carry around negative self-talk based on scarcity. This kind of stinking thinking compels them to grab the one they’re with. They think, I might as well jump in because there are no good men out there, There are too many women and too few men! or I have to hang on to him because I have to take whatever I can get! and other depressing, self-defeating thoughts. Committing to the Dating Program of Three banishes this stinking thinking.

There is nothing like having three men interested in you to boost your self-esteem. Being on the Program helps you practice the kind of self-loving inner dialogue that is an important key to creating a love relationship that lasts.

Here’s how Joan, a thirty-two-year-old Realtor who had emerged from an empty marriage a year before she started the course, describes working the Program:

It has been daunting to date three men as I never had dated that many at a time. But it is helping me to stay less attached to who I think is “the one.” And with so much attention, it’s strange, but I’m just beginning to feel, “I deserve to be courted. I’m worth it for guys to hang in there and work for me.”

Being selective
As you use two online dating sites as well as social networking to meet a lot of men, you’ll begin to sort through and select men for yourself based on what you want and need. It’s like looking at and interviewing a lot of different companies to see if a job is right for you. This sometimes brings up faithfulness and guilt issues that need to be worked through. Just remember: you are simply turning the tables. Many men have been in this role for years; they have been following a patriarchal tradition of dating more than one woman at a time. In other words, they did the sorting and selecting.

Not anymore. When you begin dating three men at once, you’re shifting the balance of power to be more equitable. Starting now, take a stand for yourself, a stand that says you deserve a great partner. Take your time, learn what is possible in a relationship, and start playing an active role in choosing who you’re with. Don’t wait to be chosen. Now, with all the online and offline possibilities, you have an abundance of men at arm’s reach; you have the ability to pick and choose for yourself.

Okay. Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of working the Program.

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