Forget networking, tap friends for success

Imagine you’re in a science fiction movie. You’re on a university campus walking down a large hall on your way to class. But your schedule is so overloaded you’ve become confused and disoriented. You can’t remember where your next class is or even your professor’s name. Suddenly you hear a strange noise coming from behind. You turn to see a huge, black blob rolling toward you overtaking everything in its path. The “Power of Forgetfulness” operates in much the same way. In the midst of our full schedules and demanding priorities it rolls into our minds causing us to forget the truly important things in life. A divorce, loss of a job, death of a loved one and other crises only serve to increase the “Power of Forgetfulness.”

For example, the person who just got laid off after 15 years is experiencing some level of trauma. The degree of this anxiety is exacerbated by the fact that this person just read in today’s newspaper that 6000 other people in the same field also just lost their jobs. Now they’re all going to be out there looking for new employment. The feeling of being threatened is as old as the cave man with his fight or flight reactions. Only today, instead of running from or putting a spear into a saber tooth tiger, our eyes start darting back and forth as our thoughts become flashing questions exploding in our mind’s eye like a 4th of July fireworks display, “What am I going to do now?” “Will I be able to find another job?” “What are people going to think about me?” These are fear questions that tend to paralyze. They all lead to the same emotional place: isolation and fear. But hold it! Wait a minute! The truth is you’re not alone, you’re not isolated.

When we’re feeling threatened it can become very difficult to tell ourselves the truth. The fog rolls in and takes up residence in our minds and we’re not able to think clearly. Hence the term, “I’ve been in a fog.” It’s like you need a red light on the dashboard of your brain that starts flashing whenever you get fearful, fretful or forgetful. This blinking red light is an “anti-blob” device that sends you an instant message that says, “You are about to be overtaken by the “Power of Forgetfulness.” You’re in danger of losing yourself. Stop immediately and call a “Who” friend.”

What is a “Who” friend?

• A “Who” friend will call a halt to fearful thinking by insisting we stop listening to our own negative self-talk. In the face of those lies they will start speaking truth, the truth about your value and uniqueness, the truth about your accomplishments, and the truth about the value of your dreams and goals.
• A “Who” friend will intercept you on the dark path you’ve taken and redirect your steps back onto the path of light. They know you, care for you and will remind you that you have a future and a hope.
• A “Who” friend knows your true identity and won’t let you forget it. When the “Power of Forgetfulness” tries to roll in like a blob – you need your “Who.”

Many of us have gotten sidetracked and forgotten our original dream, spending our lives doing derivative work. This memory lapse has become epidemic. We have less and less time to calmly think about the direction our lives have taken and reflect on our current course.

Like those “black holes” out in space that suck in everything around them, the obligations and busyness of our everyday lives can drain our energy and take up all our time. In the process, our true desires can get diminished and we begin to forget. The “Power of Forgetfulness” has affected too many otherwise successful people. When you forget your “True Authentic Swing,” you can be drawn, inexorably, into an apathetic attitude that breeds cynicism — the tool of the lazy thinker.

Lucy tells the hapless Charlie Brown:

“You know Charlie; life is like a deck chair. Some people place their deck chair so they can see where they’re going. Some turn it around to see where they’ve been. Others, Charlie, place their deck chair right in the middle of the action to see what’s going on all around them.” Charlie sighs and says, “I’m just trying to get mine unfolded!”

Some of us are a lot like Charlie. We’re so busy just dealing with job and life issues that we can forget some of the important things so essential to who we truly are. You’ve probably had the experience of checking your pockets, looking around because you sense you’ve forgotten something. But you just can’t think of what it could be. Perhaps it’s a distant dream that’s still alive, so the sensation keeps popping up, but it’s been so long since you’ve consciously thought about it that you no longer connect the sensation to the dream. Is it possible that you once dreamed of living a different life than the one you’re living now but just can’t remember — something for which you’re uniquely and wonderfully “wired?” As an executive recruiter who has talked with literally thousands of job seekers over the years, I can tell you there are many, many individuals who are seeking something else but missing something more.

                                                  ****

Setting a course and sticking to it
One of the big lies many of us tell ourselves is that our current position in life disqualifies us from achieving our dreams and goals. Some of the common phrases I’ve heard are, “It’s too late for me. I’m too old.” Or, “I’m too young,” or “I’m too…” whatever. Is that true? No!  It’s absolutely not true. You’re never too early or too late in life to begin walking on the pathway of your dream. One thing is absolutely certain: the future is on the way. Ready or not, here it comes. 

The only really important question you need to answer is:

What am I doing right now to steer my life in the direction of the future I truly desire?

Video   Tap your friends to find a job Jan. 15: TODAY’s Ann Curry talks to executive recruiter Bob Beaudine about using personal connections to get the job you want. Today show

In sailing, when you set a course for a destination, it’s necessary to stay on course until you arrive. Bad weather might blow you off course temporarily but, as soon as possible, you re-establish the correct heading. The same is true of your destiny. Set the course of your desired future and stick to it. Many don’t. They start out with the best of intentions but when the “winds of life” blow them off course they just go with the flow and never get back on track. Because of “forgetfulness,” you can lose your ability to watch carefully, and so end up just taking life as it comes ... or worse, crashing on the rocks.  

Discernment is the ability to see things deeply — beyond the obvious and below the surface. A hawk soars along hunting for prey hiding in the brush. Because of its extraordinary eyesight the hawk sees what’s hidden just under the ground clutter and gets his reward. Much of life is camouflaged. Discernment is like having the eyes of a hawk. It enables you to see below the surface of things. If you’re going to successfully traverse the unpredictable, often rough and treacherous waters of life you’ll need the ability to read the currents below.

You’re heading somewhere right now. Life is in motion. Do you like your current direction? Who’s steering the ship of your life? Do you have a firm grip on the wheel or have you been on auto-pilot for so long you forgot where you were supposed to be going?

It’s way too depressing and frustrating to have dreams, goals and a vision for where you want to go but no way to get there — or even an inkling of how to get started. 

Take hold of the wheel, you’re closer than you think …

Excerpted from “The Power of Who” by Bob Beaudine. Copyright (c) 2009, reprinted with permission from Hachette Book Group.

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