Robin McGraw: Look and feel young at any age

Robin McGraw, wife of famed self-help guru Dr. Phil, writes about the challenges women face in taking care of themselves. In her new book “What's Age Got to Do With It?” she shares some of her struggles with putting herself first, and provides advice to help women look and feel their best, regardless of age. An excerpt.

Chapter one
Okay, ladies, it’s time to talk. And the subject is aging. From the minute we’re born, we start aging. So we have to decide how we’re going to handle this. Are we going to let it happen to us? Or are we going to do what we can to feel and look our best?

I honestly believe that no matter our age, most of us want to be the healthiest and most energetic and vibrant woman we can possibly be. Though it takes effort and doesn’t happen by chance, you can live your healthiest and happiest life. I know this because ever since my midtwenties, I have been a champion for my health and done what it takes to feel my very best. Of course, I’ve got a lot of living left to do, but today at the age of fifty-five, I’ve experienced a lot of what most women are going through or going to go through, and I’ve come through it feeling fabulous.

I have always tried to live each day of my life with passion and excitement, look forward to each year, and enjoy being whatever age I am. This year, that’s fifty-five years young, and I’m not shy about sharing it (but I guess you can tell that from the book cover). This surprises some people, but to me, age is just a number; and I’ve never lived my life by that number. How many candles you blow out on your birthday cake doesn’t matter. What does matter is your attitude toward life and your choice to take the best care of yourself possible. As busy women, wives, and mothers, we often put ourselves last on our very long to-do lists; many times, we don’t even make it onto those lists! We are nurturing by nature, so we work hard to meet our loved ones’ needs and think that by focusing on the happiness of others, we’ll be happy. But often we do this at our own expense — and that’s a high price to pay.

When I was raising my two boys, Jay and Jordan, I’d work hard to fix them healthy breakfasts and dinners and pack well-balanced lunches. But there were plenty of times when my own breakfast was a slice of cake and coffee, and lunch was a bag of gummy bears eaten while driving car pool. Back then I’d never let my boys or Phillip miss a checkup at the doctor and would fight tooth and nail to get an appointment today if they were sick. But at times, I would think, Can this wait? before calling the doctor for myself. Thanks to several pivotal moments in my life, which I’ll discuss later in this book, you’ll see that I have worked hard to change that. But I know that I’m not alone in making my family a top priority. So many women just like me do everything to attend to and anticipate the needs of their families first, but they dismiss their own needs, be it physical, mental, or emotional.

My beloved mother, Georgia, was one of these women. At just fifty-eight years old, she died of a massive heart attack while we were talking on the phone. I believe that the number one reason she passed away when she was so young was that she did not take care of herself. She was a precious, loving woman who wanted everyone else to be happy and put her five children and husband before herself every time. We were very poor, so in her mind the thought of spending any of our family’s money on herself was out of the question. That meant she did not go to the doctor for regular checkups, mammograms, or the simple blood work that would have revealed her elevated risk of a heart attack, among other things. She also had horrible allergies, but even when water was literally pouring from her eyes and her nose was red and raw, she’d put off her allergy shots until she absolutely couldn’t stand it anymore.

Many of my memories of my mother are of her doing for others: cooking for our family of seven, baking our favorite cakes for our birthdays, ironing my father’s shirts, leaning over her sewing machine making all of our clothes, and many years later, babysitting and doting on her grandchildren. Even her final moments on this earth were spent focusing on someone other than herself — a true symbol of exactly how she lived. I was thirty-two years old at the time, and Phillip and I had just moved into a new home. The move didn’t go as smoothly as planned — a delay meant that the movers arrived after midnight and a downpour turned our houseful of boxes into a soggy, stinky mess of cardboard. Wanting to comfort me while I dug through my waterlogged belongings, my mother baked me a pumpkin pie. And that was the last thing she did before she died. Imagine, she was dying from a heart attack and there she was rolling out pie dough! More than two decades later, the thought of that still gives me a lump in my throat and brings tears to my eyes. I admire and try to emulate an endless number of my mother’s qualities, like her Christian faith, her fierce love for her family, and her strength during difficult times, but her decision to neglect herself is not one of them. From the day she died, I vowed not to continue the legacy of self-neglect.

MORE FROM

How eating right can make you happy

How eating right can make you happy Over 50? Simple secrets to grow younger How one mom learned to translate baby cries Quiz: Test your smarts about children’s health ‘Stand by Her’: A breast cancer guide for men Cesar Millan: How to help your pup learn Mom's guide to a happy work-home balance The birds and bees: Talking sex with your child One mother’s battle to save her son from OCD The worst meals for kids   Add headlines to your news reader: