How to talk to an unemployed friend

Eve Tahmincioglu • Profile • E-mail

Trudy Schuett has been out of work for nearly a year, and she’s sick of everyone asking: “Did you find a job yet?”

Lately she’s been getting this question from her online buddies and even casual acquaintances. “I've got a brother who phones fairly frequently, and that's usually his first question,” she says. “My minister was asking for a while, but I think he picked up on the fact that if I had something to report, I would.”

Schuett, whose last gig was as a field representative for a federal government agency, can’t help her frustration. Her job search has been a bear. She’s sent out hundreds of resumes and checks postings every day on Indeed.com, CareerBuilder.com, her local paper and Craigslist. For a while, she was even cold-calling new businesses in town.

“I tell myself they mean well, and are trying to express their concern, but I'd like to have some areas of life where I'm not reminded of looming poverty or maybe my own incompetence,” says Schuett, who lives in Yuma, Ariz.

With unemployment across the nation at a 15-year high and so many people losing their jobs, one of the most difficult challenges is figuring out what to say to out-of-work friends and family.

Alas, there’s no how-to manual on dealing with the jobless. But psychologists and career experts say it’s a lot like the etiquette we use when someone has lost a loved one. The unemployed may go through many of the same stages as people in mourning, including denial or possibly even depression.

What to say to your unemployed friend
Jackie Brook, a publicist for AMP3 Public Relations, heard about her good friend’s layoff from a luxury car dealership after her buddy posted it on Facebook.

“That's the only way she'll really communicate since she's embarrassed and ashamed,” she surmises.

“She and I haven't had a chance to talk,” Brook adds, “because I won't send her an ‘I'm sorry’ message via a social networking site. I think it's had a negative impact on our relationship, as I believe that she now thinks that I don't care, which is not the case. As such, we still haven't spoken, and she won't pick up my calls.”

Indeed, the proliferation of social networking sites and e-mail have added yet more complexities to an already sticky situation.

So what do you do when you’re dealing with someone who’s been laid off? Do you give them advice at a cocktail party? Tell them it will all be okay as they’re walking out of their office or plant with box in hand? Should you text them words of encouragement? Or should you just leave them alone?

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