Retirement dreams give way to despair, anger

Melissa Dahl Health writer • E-mail

It was so close. And then, it wasn’t.

Fifty-year-old Eddie Whitlock thought he was closing in on his hard-earned golden years. According to his master plan, in just five short years he’d retire from his job as executive director for Mental Health America of Northeast Georgia. Then he’d turn his attention to the important things: golf, travel and finally writing that novel.

But this fall, after months of watching his 401(k) dwindle and his stock earnings sink, he accepted his new retirement reality: His golden years would be delayed another 10. If they ever came at all.

“I really think I’ll be working until I die,” says Whitlock, who lives in Athens, Ga. “I’ll be at work till the day they carry me out on a stretcher with a coroner’s tag tied to my big toe.”

One of the biggest worries for those on the brink of retirement used to be how to fill all that spare time. But as the economic meltdown devastates the savings of millions of Americans, a rising number of older workers are now realizing that retirement instead will have to come much later than they'd planned — if at all. And some of those who had only just to begun to enjoy their leisure years are now having to tuck aside their dreams and, in some cases, their pride, to return to the workforce.

For many, feelings of hopelessness, despair, anger and shame have darkened what until very recently they'd banked on being a new beginning.

“It's a real sense of shock,” says Phyllis Moen, a University of Minnesota sociologist who studies adjustment to retirement. “Here they thought they were in control, and they created a life that works — and suddenly, they’ve lost control. I think what's happening is a real upending of expectations of the 50s, 60s and 70s — of what life’s going to be for this group of people.”

Psychologists say those going through this kind of financial crisis may feel a spike in anxiety, panic attacks and depression. And for some, suicide may seem like the only way out. One msnbc.com reader from Cleveland, Ohio, wrote, " I have contemplated suicide, but my family does not have enough money to bury me.”

How to cope — Talk, talk, talk. Share your fears and frustrations with your family, so the financial struggle becomes a family project instead of your burden alone. — If someone is telling you that they’re worried about you, don’t blow them off. “It’s really easy to say, ‘Oh, I’m fine,’” says Jennifer Harkstein, a New York City clinical psychologist. “But if people around you are noticing a behavioral change, that’s important.” — Don’t go it alone. Experts encourage struggling retirees to find the time to volunteer or join social activities, to find peers that may be in similar situations and remind themselves that they’re not alone in this. — If a self-loathing idea floats through your brain — Could I have worked harder? Saved more? — squash it. — Try tucking away even just a small amount each week in savings. Experiencing the magic of watching a savings account that’s slowly growing will remind you that some things are still in your control.

During the Great Depression, suicide rates rose from 14 to 17.4 per 100,000 people in 1933, according to the American Association of Suicidology, a nonprofit organization that promotes research and training in suicide prevention.

Psychologists are cautious about saying whether they expect a similar increase during these financial hard times, but seniors are in an age group already at higher risk for suicide: Although adults 65 and older make up just 12 percent of the population, they accounted for 16 percent of suicide deaths in 2004, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

“There’s going to be a profound sense of loss for some people who had expected to enter their last stage of life and just enjoy it — and now they’re having to go back to work,” says Jennifer Harkstein, a New York City clinical psychologist. “For people who have expected to be retired by 70 or 75, there’s going to be some loss, some grief, that they can’t go and live these years that they’ve planned for.”

For Whitlock, the biggest blow came from the increasingly volatile stock market, as he watched his nonprofit employer’s account lose 25 percent of its value over the last year and a half. When he says he’s too afraid now to even peek at his 401(k), he’s only half joking.

“In the old days, people would be guaranteed an income for life, and they’d have an age at which it was clear they should retire,” says Alicia Munnell, an economist and director of the Center for Retirement Research at Boston College. “We’re now shifting to an age of 401(k) plans, which is shifting all the risks and responsibility to the individuals.”

Downsizing dreams
For those who have retired, it’s a matter of downsizing dreams. So far, 63-year-old Edith Durrant’s retirement years haven’t turned out the way she pictured.

“My real dream always was to own a motor home and just travel,” says Durrant, a retired postal service worker who lives in Bellingham, Wash. Because she and her husband, Ben, had saved a modest nest egg, she says, “I didn’t think I would ever have to worry so much about money again.”

But five years ago, Edith Durrant, who is both epileptic and diabetic, had a particularly intense seizure that sent her into a coma for seven days. The cost of her hospital stay, her medications and the year and a half of care it took her to get well again drained everything the couple had saved for their retirement. Still, with her pension and Social Security benefits, they were doing OK — until Ben Durrant was laid off from his job as a sales manager at Office Max in June. Five months later, he’s still looking for work.

Msnbc.com senior producer John Schoen answers your questions about retirement.

“Don’t get me wrong. We eat. We have a roof over our heads. By the look of my belly, it’s not bad,” says Ben Durrant, who’s 59. “But still, there’s the other side of it. You look on the Internet and it talks about these high fashion things and the trips and things like that. You look at them and you wonder — where did mine go? I’m not going to be able to do that. It’s a very sobering thought.”

Adjusting expectations
The Durrants have resigned themselves to their retirement reality, which is what experts recommend: During an economic downturn of this magnitude, it’s time to let go of most golden-year fantasies.

“I mean, I’m of that age. We’ve all had a disappointment,” says economist Munnell, who turns 66 next month. That’s the age she typically recommends that people retire, and she always imagined she’d follow her own advice. Now, she’s buckling down for at least another five years on the job.

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“I’m very like everybody else — I felt like we had put aside enough money, but I didn’t plan on a buffer of 20 percent,” she says. Speaking for herself, she says, “The feeling is one of failure, even though it was really very hard to anticipate anything like this. You do feel like you failed.”

For those at or near retirement age, there’s no more time to save. There’s no magic investment to uncover. It’s best to face your 401(k) and lower your expectations — fast, Munnell says.

“You’ve got to play the cards you’re dealt, and play them the best you can,” she says. “Mourn if it’s a serious loss for you, but then, candidly — get over it.”

And then get to work. With the unemployment rate at its highest in more than a decade, those lucky enough to have a job should forget all thoughts of leaving, says Munnell, who co-wrote “Working Longer: The Solution to the Retirement Income Challenge,” published earlier this year. “(But) the problem is, it takes two to tango here. Employers have to be willing to hire people or to retain them.”

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