Football star faces his mother’s killer

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As I listened to Brumfield, I realized that most of the questions I had crafted in a spiral pocket notebook that I brought with me, questions that I had compiled from my family, were suddenly irrelevant. If he wasn’t going to admit that he murdered my mom, as he did in his confession to police, I couldn’t ask him questions about that night. It changed the dynamic of the conversation I had come to have.

After Brumfield professed his innocence, I told him that I didn’t come to Angola to say “you, you, you” and get in his face. I had been through a lot and I wanted to tell him about it. I quickly flipped through the first three pages of my notebook, which had these handwritten questions in black pen:

Why did you rob the Piggly Wiggly that night?
How do you feel today about your situation?
Why did you guys shoot a police officer? Didn’t you think she had kids, husband, family?
How could you guys do something so dreadful without even thinking who you may be hurting in the long run?
Why would you shoot a police officer and not think about the consequences?
Do you feel remorseful towards what you have done that night?
How would you feel if someone did to you what you did to my family?
Why did you guys agree to the meeting?
What made you guys feel comfortable enough to talk about the killing of our mother?
As you had the time to examine your life and the killing, was it worth the time and effort that you guys put in planning and carrying out this selfish act?
When you took the time to plot and accomplish this killing, what did you think would be the outcome of your deed?
It has been almost 15 years since the killing. If you could say anything to our family, what would it be and why?

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Finally, after listening to Brumfield for a while longer, I decided I just wanted to tell him about what that night did to me and how that night changed my life. I wanted him to know that I used to play football with passion and emotion. I still play with the passion for the game, but I no longer play the game with emotion because the night Mom was murdered took all the emotion from me.

When you loved somebody like I loved my mom, it is as great an emotional experience as you could have. I wanted to explain to Brumfield how it affected the lives of my brothers, Derrick, Bricson, and Travis, and sisters, Summer and Samantha. I wanted him to know that I remembered that growing up as a kid, I wanted to be a father, I wanted to be a husband, I wanted to be a dad. I wanted him to know that what he did that night to my mom ruined a lot of that for me. I flipped to the fourth page in my notebook. My hands trembled slightly as I began to read:

I have struggled with this loss. My family has struggled.

I don’t think you realize the life changing experience it has caused.

You took my life away, changed my dreams and made them desires.

I am the oldest and it was my responsibility to look after my family. My life will never be the same. My best friend in the world was taken away from me by you guys.

Thank God that she raised and prepared me for that day.

Things have not been easy. I’ve been depressed for years, lying to myself that I am OK.

I’ve cheated people in my life because I wasn’t giving them Warrick.

I’ve had a tough relationship with my brother Derrick who I love, ’cause you took his opportunity to be my mom’s little man.

It has been up and down with my family because I had to become Daddy, not just Big Brother. It wasn’t easy deciding someone else’s life when you can’t decide your own.

I’ve had some serious issues over the years in my personal life: afraid of commitment, fully committing myself to anything other than my family; not wanting to have kids or get married; not enjoying life, laughing or smiling; not letting people love me.

Over the last few years, I’ve been trying to be at peace with things in my life because I have to move forward. I am yearning for something new, a new start. Family, kids — just to get my life started.

I guess I am searching for answers. You guys have short-changed my family.

As I looked at this man who I never met, I bared my soul to him. I told him how in the years after my mom’s death I had been hesitant about being in a committed relationship, how I’ve been afraid to lose people. I’ve been in counseling for many years over this very concept of having a true committed relationship because I don’t want to lose somebody I love twice in my life. I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I could suffer that pain again.

Tears started to well in my eyes when I realized that I was laying it all on the line for a guy who had killed my mom. As I looked around the room, I realized everyone else in the room had tears in their eyes, too — Brumfield included. I took thirty seconds, paused, collected my thoughts, and finally looked at him and told him:

“If you didn’t do it, I don’t know why you are here today, but I know why I am here today. I am here because I need to forgive somebody. I am here because it has been fourteen years and it’s time for me to move on. I was searching for answers. I’ve been going to counseling. I’ve started smiling. I’ve started laughing. I even had my first drink two years ago during a fun moment. It is time for me to forgive and move on.”

Everyone went silent. I had said it. I was there to forgive.

Brumfield stuttered for a moment, then told me that as he watched me on television over the years, he wondered what path I would have taken, or the life I would have lived, if that night never had happened. He promised me that the Lord would take care of me. Brumfield added that he wasn’t blessed with a support system and a mother like mine. He told me a story that in 1987, my mother, working security at a store, caught him stealing and made him put back what ever he took. Brumfield said my mom told him, “Boy, get your butt out of here.” Brumfield said my mom could have made an example of him that day, but she elected not to. I thought to myself, that was Mom — always giving people second chances to do right.

Brumfield looked at me and asked, “Why now? Why meet?” I told him I was finally strong enough to do this, that years of counseling had made this possible. Brumfield told me not to hold onto my anger anymore, and he said that he prayed for me and my family. I answered that God has a path for all of us, and that I was happy that his life hadn’t been taken away. I told Brumfield that it took me a long time to stop blaming God for that night.

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