Make smart decisions, skip the regret

The cost of priceless decisions
Too often we overlook these priceless variables in our decision making. In Luke 14:28, we’re told that no one desiring to build a tower will do so without first counting up the cost to see if they have enough to finish it. Counting the cost is very important; however, it is not enough to count the cost solely for the purpose of insuring that you have enough to finish. You must count more than economic costs. While most things that make money cost money, dreams and goals often involve more than monetary expenditures. Many line budget line-items do not add to the bottom line but are priceless considerations in the process of decision making. You will never enjoy the thrill of a priceless experience until the intangible items between the lines are counted in the cost.

If you want to make priceless decisions, be sure you have accounted for the intrinsic value of incalculable expense and return. I cannot tell you what it is worth to watch the squirrels play in my backyard. I know that they will not affect the appraised value of the property, but they definitely contribute to my satisfied smile as I drink my coffee in the morning and watch them dance.

My point is that whether you are a very practical pragmatist, like me, or an emotional idealist, if you do not weigh in on the sum total of what you want, you will never achieve your dreams. Dream deeply. Examine your head and discern what is in your heart. It will help the actual dream to be realized without the nightmare that comes from making a decision that is not well thought out and balanced.

Planned parenthood
Another example further illustrates the significance of preparation and deliberation like no other: parenting. While we will explore this topic further in chapter 14, consider, for now, the multitude of decisions confronting you when faced with the prospect of parenthood. When you are expecting a child for the first time, you must prepare yourself, your household, and the lives of those around you to be forever changed by the new life you are about to birth into this world.

Foremost, expectant mothers must take responsibility for their own health in order to insure the health of the growing child inside them. They must make sure that they get proper nutrition, including vitamins, protein, and folic acid, all of which have proven vitally important to the proper development of the baby in utero. Mothers-to-be must get proper rest and exercise, refrain from smoking, drinking alcohol, and taking any other substances that would injure or impair the precious cargo within them.

Beyond the mother’s health, numerous other considerations must be addressed. Has the household been babyproofed? Locks and safety guards must secure the potentially dangerous contents of drawers, cabinets, and closets. Hard surfaces and sharp edges must be removed from baby’s path or padded enough to prevent hard knocks. Gates must contain baby’s curiosity as she learns to crawl and toddle from room to room.

You must also consider the daily needs of your new little bundle of joy. Will you use formula or breast-feed or both? Do you have the necessary paraphernalia — changing table, diapers, diaper-rash ointment, bassinet, clothes, booties, blankets, and heaven forbid you forget the power of the pacifier!

Beyond the security and suitability of the environment, there are larger concerns about your child’s well-being that must be addressed. How far is the pediatrician’s office? The hospital? To what school will you send your child? Many private and now even some public schools have waiting lists that span several years before they have an opening. What about higher education? Have you established a college fund for your child or at least initiated some type of savings plan for his or her future?

Parenthood requires planning. God provides the very first and best example of the ultimate parent, preparing for new arrivals. Our Creator did not make Adam and Eve first and then build the world around them. No, the heavens and the earth, the sky and sea, the animals and plants, and all that we have in our world was created first. Then on the sixth day God created humans in the image of the divine. God had already prepared a place and insured that they would have provisions.

Similarly, in order to be responsible parents, we must prepare our world for the new creation God allows us to bring into this world through the miracle of birth. The demands of parenting are challenging enough. Without adequate planning, preparation, and deliberate changes in anticipation of your baby’s arrival, you will be overwhelmed by the process, left to survive by default, providing poorly for your child and neglecting your own needs. Parenthood must be a planned endeavor if it is to produce a healthy and happy child.

Too often we see young ladies who view having children as a means to an end. Children are not bargaining chips played in Vegas to secure a man or his attention. Nor are they the faddish craze that I see in Hollywood where it is now chic and in vogue to have a child without a family to surround it with love. Friends, each life is precious and important, and the statistics show that children need to be reared in a stable environment with loving parents who want them, nurture them, and are ready for the lifelong task of parenting them.

I don’t say this to make anyone feel bad who has had a child in less than ideal circumstances. I understand that we are human and anyone can make a mistake. And I know countless people who, against all odds, have made it work in spite of the stats that show it is a perilous choice. But why put yourself knowingly and willingly in an uphill race with a broken tennis shoe just to prove you are able to beat the odds? Especially when a little planning and patience would avoid compromising your life and the well-being of a child, conceived prematurely, left with less-than-ideal advantages, destined to spend his or her life trying to overcome obstacles that were out of his or her control? Life is hard enough when the stage is set and the players are in place!

Life is filled with challenges, but baby momma drama is far worse than you might imagine. It has been the source of many people’s pain for years. We must begin to teach our daughters and our sons that actions cause reactions. The consequences of teenage pregnancies and unwed pregnancies at any age can be intense and detrimental to all involved.

When I was growing up, people who made mistakes found themselves in such compromised situations. But today, we see too many young girls listening to the titillating lyrics of songs suggesting that having a man’s baby is like buying him a tie. Who would have thought that the time would come that a young girl would walk up to a guy and tell him, “I want to have your baby!” This is ridiculous!

Video   Life lessons from Bishop Jakes Sept. 24: TODAY’s Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford talk to Bishop T.D. Jakes about his new book “Before You Do.” Today show

Neither hip-hop nor R and B songs tell you the truth — that babies grow up, ask questions, shed tears, and many times start searching for the missing part of their identity. The family secrets are cumbersome and often lead to bouts of depression and a lifetime battle with low self-esteem.

I am glad to say that such mistakes are not terminal and regret doesn’t signal the end of the world. Many people have, in spite of such adversities, become productive contributors to society and have made countless strides for the betterment of all.

However, more times than not, such difficulties require the whole family working to tip the scales and give the innocent child a better chance of success. I confess I have had this situation in my own family and will discuss that in more detail later.

But I earnestly warn you that the stats on prisons, suicides, and drug abuse show that the numbers go up when morals break down and the child comes from a single-parent home! For the sake of all the grandparents who are on fixed incomes and walkers and who are trying to keep up with grandbabies on Big Wheels. For the sake of grandmothers who are trying to find a ride to the school for a conference instead of tending to the garden in their backyards, let’s stop the madness.

One wrong decision can sentence your whole family to a lifetime of homework and heartbreak. It could all be avoided by just waiting a little while longer to do things right! If you are not ready to lead another life for the next thirty years or so, slow down. Babies who have babies lose a lot of important experiences and often are faced with the too-much-too-fast syndromes that leave our communities on life support and our marriages on respirators!

We all have regrets
We all have regrets. It’s a part of life’s learning process. But as we get older and progress through life, hopefully, we learn to stop and recognize situations that feel familiar, where if we go on, we might regret our actions or something we’ve said. Then, when presented with a similar situation we choose to behave differently. You’ve heard the saying “The definition of lunacy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.” The same holds true for regrets.

Each of us can think back over our life and point to a few regrets. Perhaps there was a phone call you should have made to apologize to a friend whose feelings you hurt. But by not doing so, the friendship ended and now you regret it. Or maybe you lied to your last partner about something you did, they found out, and left you saying they could never trust you again. You realize you hurt them badly and now you wish you had done things differently.

It is important to make peace with our regrets by taking ownership of what we did, apologize where necessary, and then work to put an end to repeating the same mistakes again. Dr. Maya Angelou said something very profound about looking back over our mistakes: “When you know better, you do better.”

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