When Father's Day is a double celebration

‘Gay people can do this’
While the men prefer to avoid unnecessary conflict with people who reject their lifestyle (they ask doctors, day-care providers and others in advance if they have issues with gay families), they are irritated by the judgment gay parents sometimes face and acknowledge that they try to set a good example that “gay people can do this,” said Devin.

“Where do the (foster) children come from?” Geoffery asked. “They come from dysfunctional, broken, heterosexual families. … If you took all of the children away from gay and lesbian parents in the United States today, what would the foster system look like?”

A recent national study by the Urban Institute and the Williams Institute at UCLA actually put a price tag on that: “A national ban on gay, lesbian and bisexual foster care could cost from $87 million to $130 million. Costs to individual states could ranges from $100,000 to $27 million.”

The Family Equality Council, an advocacy group for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender families, reports that gay and lesbian parents are currently raising 4 percent of all adopted children in the United States, or 65,500 out of 1.6 million. Nationwide, gays and lesbians are raising 3 percent of all foster kids, or 14,100 out of 500,000, the council says. The top five states in terms of kids adopted by same-sex parents are California, with 16,458; New York, 7,042; Massachusetts, 5,828; Texas, 3,588; and Washington, 3,004.

The Urban-Williams study noted that gay and lesbian partners who adopt kids tend to be slightly older than the average adoptive parents (43 vs. 42), more highly educated (54 percent have college degrees vs. 31 percent) and earn much more (median household income of $102,474 vs. $73,274).

100,000 in foster care awaiting adoption
Meanwhile, the need for foster homes grows daily and more than 100,000 foster kids across the nation await adoption. “Given the constant need for more adults to care for children who are in the overburdened child welfare system, gay, lesbian and bisexual people are an important new source for child welfare officials to tap,” the Urban-Williams study concluded.

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Despite that, “Anti-parenting legislation (aimed at gays) spiked in 2006 following all the anti-marriage ballot measures,” said Cathy Renna, spokeswoman for the Family Equality Council. “We’ve defeated all measures except one between then and now (about 23 measures total) and we’ve passed more pro-parenting measures since 2006 than our opponents have passed anti-parenting measures.”

However, six states — Florida, Michigan, Mississippi, Nebraska, North Dakota and Utah — maintain some sort of bans on adoption or foster parenting by gays and lesbians.

The restrictions are not based on any data or cases about gay parenting. For instance, the Florida law, passed in 1977, was intended to send a message to gay people that "we're really tired of you" and "we wish you'd go back into the closet," its sponsor, state Sen. Curtis Peterson, said at the time.

Current arguments against gay marriage and gay parenting remain rooted in abhorrence of homosexuality. The Family Research Council, one of the nation's most vocal anti-gay groups, believes simply that "homosexual conduct is harmful to the persons who engage in it and to society at large, and can never be affirmed. It is by definition unnatural."

As they face their future and all of its unknowns, Geoffery and Devin admit, like honest parents everywhere, that it can be daunting. “My confidence is slipping,” said Devin. “I had no idea what we were in for and I still don’t.”

“When you want children, it really is a fairytale,” said Geoffery. “But we’re both believers that everything happens for a reason and these boys are in our lives for a reason and we just walk through it on a daily basis.”

“The payoff is that we made a difference,” said Devin.

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